The Pull of the Light
by LittlestOak
Summary: They rescued him from Starkiller Base. He remembered that...Then he remembered the ship falling. They'd been attacked. The ship was spiraling, crashing. Everyone tried to get to an escape pod, but they'd malfunctioned. There was nowhere to go. But down.
1. Chapter 1

He remembered the ship falling. They'd been attacked. The ship was spiraling, crashing. Everyone tried to get to an escape pod, but they'd malfunctioned. There was nowhere to go.

But down.

Kylo Ren awoke with a start, but kept his eyes shut. Every movement hurt. Breathing tore at his ribs, twitching seared his muscles. There was no respite from the agony. A bright light hit his eyes, and he remained motionless. A search party could be from either side, better to air on the side of caution for now. He couldn't fight anyone in his present state, much to his annoyance.

That damn girl. She'd gotten lucky, but he'd make her pay for what she'd done. He would make her pay.

The light on his face began to feel warm. His right eye twitched, and the gash down his face made him groan. He heard a shuffling to his right and tried to lie absolutely still, but he shifted involuntarily when the light was blocked from his face. Suddenly, a hand was placed on his shoulder, and he wrenched his eyes open at the sensation. His vision was blurred, but a figure leaned over him, their hand holding him down. He sensed no malice, just a warmth, a curiosity.

"You're awake," a voice said. Kylo could feel himself fading into unconsciousness, and did not welcome the thought. The voice was soft, a gentle accent that he could not quite place. He tried to shift upwards, but the hand kept a firm pressure on his shoulder. "You're very hurt," it said. "I found you in the woods, fractured ribs, lacerations, burns." There was a pause. The voice continued in an even softer tone. "I don't know what kind of hell you've been through, but you're safe now." A pause. "Sleep, you're safe."

He knew he shouldn't. There was no reason to trust this figure. He needed to find the rest of his fleet, get back to his Master. He tried in vain to rise once more, but the gentle hand on his shoulder was enough to keep him in place. He could not deny his body's exhaustion, and soon fell into a deep sleep.

When Kylo Ren awoke for a second time, an awful stench was the first thing to greet his senses. He coughed and sputtered, which didn't help the state of the rest of his body. With a groan, he turned on his side, doubling over in pain. He heard running footsteps, and this time a hand on each shoulder returned him to his back, causing his body to straighten again.

"I know it smells terrible, I'm sorry," the voice said. "I'm sorry, but it's helping, I promise." He took a moment to compose himself, but then opened his eyes slowly and looked around. Above him was a creature far less remarkable than anything he'd seen before.

A woman stared back at him, dull and unimpressive. Her white hair was pulled up behind her head, and her skin had a gray tinge to it, like someone forgot to give her color. Her face was angular, and her dark irises filled out her entire eye, making her eyes black and huge. In a complete picture, she looked almost monochromatic, with no luster or shine anywhere in her appearance. Nonetheless, she smiled at him, though it did nothing for her exterior.

"How do you feel?" she asked. Her voice was far too melodious to match the rest of her. He remained wary, but found himself unable to move.

"Let me go," he said, and immediately the woman removed her hands. She stood up and took a step back, sitting on a chair a few inches behind her. The smile was replaced by a look of deep concentration as she studied him. "Take me to my ship." Her eyebrows rose slightly.

"I didn't find a ship anywhere near you," she said. He could feel his anger surging, but forced himself to stay calm. He didn't know anything about her. "Did you crash here?" she asked. Kylo nodded, and the woman looked out the window. "I must've walked for miles around where I found you, but I found no evidence of wreckage." Kylo lifted his head up slightly at the news, but groaned as pain shot through his stomach. He tried to lift a hand, but found himself unable to do so.

"Why can't I move?" he asked, and the woman did not leave her chair.

"I gave you a large dose of pain medication. Your injuries were substantial enough that I had to extensively work on you before I could let you wake up. I can give you more if you're uncomfor-"

"No," he cut her off. He needed the pain. The driving reminder of what he was to avenge. The woman tilted her head to one side but said nothing on the subject.

"What's your name?' she asked, standing up and turning her back to him. An unwise decision he could use to his advantage once his strength returned.

"Kylo," he stated. No reason to lie, she'd be dead by morning. Her shoulders rose and fell a couple times as a soft chuckle filled the room. Kylo blinked a few more times, and the surrounding area came into view. The building he was in was wood, and it was warm. A fire burned on the wall opposite him. He was laying on what looked to be a long block of wood, cushioned to resemble a bed.

"Kylo," said the woman, and he turned at the mention of his name. That voice, that voice was so full of color, but coming from the muted specter that stood before him, he was no more moved than had a droid said it. "That's a nice name." The woman reached into a cupboard and drew a glass, filling it with water from a carafe. She approached Kylo slowly, kneeling down by the bed he was on and holding it out. "Are you thirsty?" she asked. He warily eyed the cup, looking between her and the water. For a moment, the woman looked confused, but a sad realization crossed her face. She looked at him intently and drank a sip from the glass, as though that was to dissuade his suspicion. Kylo searched her heart for evidence of spite and, finding none, nodded. The woman gently put her hand behind his head, but he shook away from her grasp, despite the pain it caused him. Instead, he lifted his head on his own and allowed her to lower the glass to his lips. The action was excruciating, but he would soon overcome that weakness.

He laid his head back, holding back a groan as the woman's watchful eyes studied his every move. She held very still, looking like a statue when she wasn't fully in motion. Even her breathing seemed to cease when she held still, her large eyes unnerving in the low light. But she stood up and put the cup back on the counter behind her.

"Where did you find me?" Kylo asked. The woman pointed out the window.

"Two miles that direction," she said, turning to look at him. "I'll take you there once you've recovered, if you'd like. You were the only thing there though; I don't know what you'd find." Kylo cursed his body, unable to move. As soon as whatever drugs she'd given him wore off, he would be gone, and she'd be lying in a puddle of her own blood on the floor. No one could humiliate him like this and survive.

Against his better judgment, Kylo lifted his head again, assessing the damage. To his increasing fury, he wasn't wearing all the clothing he'd fallen in. Instead, his bare chest was wrapped in various bandages around his shoulder and ribs. He still had his pants on, though she'd ripped through the fabric on one side to bandage his injured leg. She'd at least had the courtesy, and misfortune, to leave his saber attached to his hip. The stench under his nose was unbearable, but he put his head back and stared at the ceiling.

"Can I get you anything?" the woman's small voice asked. Kylo didn't answer, didn't look at her, didn't give her any indication that he'd heard her. She was quiet for a few moments, allowing the silence to sour the room. "All right, I'll be in the next room if you change your mind." She walked to the doorway, stopping for a moment. "Rest easy, Kylo." And with that, the unremarkable woman retreated.

Kylo closed his eyes, focusing his energy on regenerating his broken body. He would be well by morning. That was assured.


	2. Chapter 2

The sun cracked through the window, hitting Kylo's face as it had the morning previously. He hadn't slept. He turned his head to look at the water carafe the woman left on the counter, picking it up without moving from his lying position. He poured a glass of water and brought it to himself, lifting up on one arm to drink. He set the carafe back down with his mind, and watched as the woman entered the room.

She wore black, making her dull skin almost translucent. Her hair hung down now, falling to her waist. There was no shine to it, as it hung limply around her face. Perhaps he'd cut it off for a trophy, though an unimpressive one it would be. She stopped, her entire body going rigid as she looked at him. As soon as she looked at him, though, her face broke into a smile.

"You're already doing much better," she said, walking up to him. He retreated from her slightly, and she stopped, her eerie stillness not easing his wariness. She held up her hands. "I need to check your bandages, clean that muck off your face." Neither of them moved, the only difference was Kylo's chest rising and falling slowly with his calculated breath. Her chest did not follow the same motion. Was she even breathing? "Will you allow me to do that?" she asked, bringing Kylo's attention back to her face. He nodded once, and after a tense moment, she sat down next to him.

She first reached for his shoulder, her hands gentle and deliberate. She unwrapped his bandage, examining him. Her face was close to his, though she took as much notice of that as one might a passing butterfly out a window. She mumbled supposedly to herself, though Kylo could hear her.

"This wound cauterized on impact," she said, "same as your leg. I don't think it's at risk for infection, if you'd prefer me to leave the bandage off?" Kylo nodded once more, and the woman did the same, moving to his leg. Kylo eyed her angrily as her hands grazed his leg. He did not enjoy this commoner's touch, but knowing so little about her, he kept still.

"Who are you?" he asked. She did not look at him, in fact, her expression did not change.

"Nobody," she said, turning her attention to his stomach. "This one, I had to stitch. Looks like a blaster wound." She was quiet, not asking a question. She removed the bandage, revealing heavy bruising on his torso. Kylo assumed he had at least four fractured ribs. Still, even Kylo had a fleeting moment of surprise at her handiwork. She inspected the blaster wound, the stitching holding quite well. "That'll be fine, just keep it clean." Kylo almost snarled at the command, but the woman rewrapped his chest and stood up a moment later, pulling a bowl out of a different cupboard and filling it with water. She grabbed a dishcloth and dipped it in the water, wringing it out.

"Strange name," Kylo said, and she paid him barely any mind. He didn't know which was more annoying, her attention or her lack thereof.

"It is, isn't it?" the woman answered, coming back to sit next to him. "This might not feel pleasant," she warned, holding the washcloth to his face. She scrubbed down, and Kylo couldn't help the pained grimace that came to his face as the rancid salve was scraped off. How could this be helping? "I know, I'm sorry. I'm almost finished." With a flick of the towel, she stood up again, throwing the rag outside. She turned back to look at him, her face in a sad, half-smile.

"What?" Kylo asked in a hostile tone. She didn't seem bothered.

"It scarred more than I hoped it would, but I don't know how long it was before I found you," she said. "It was a long shot anyway. That wound was like the other burns, already closed. Still, thought I'd give it a try." She left the room for a moment, returning with something small in her hand. She sat on the bed, holding up a small mirror for him to see. A healed scar ran across his face, contorting his features. Kylo Ren was oddly satisfied with his new appearance.

"I need a ship," he stated, grunting slightly and sitting up. The woman reached for him for a moment, but allowed him to get up on his own. Much to the protest of his own body, he stood, and she followed the action. It was hard to tell lying down, but her appearance was even stranger than he'd initially thought. While her body was certainly humanoid, she was very tall, an inch taller than him. She wasn't just tall, though. Everything about her seemed elongated, like she'd been a few inches shorter but someone pulled on her arms and legs to make them slightly too long. A stranger looking woman would be hard to find.

"I don't have one," she said, and Kylo could sense no dishonesty. "I could take you to the town, you might be able to buy one there, or barter passage on a trade ship. But…" she paused for a moment, and Kylo shot her a dangerous look. It seemed as though she took notice of his attitude, though it didn't seem to put her off. "I don't know if you should be moving that much yet. Your burns are fine, but the stitches in your side might rip if we try to make a journey that distance." Her voice was gentle, but Kylo could sense a hardness behind her eyes.

"Take me," Kylo said. He was used to looking down on people, but this woman's disconcerting eyes were almost level with his, and he hoped he was as intimidating as he felt with his mask on. She quirked her lips for a moment but nodded, walking back to her bedroom for a moment. She came back out with a long black robe, holding it out to him.

"Most of the clothing you came with was singed or soaked in blood. This should cover you," she said. Kylo wrapped himself up, the cloak draping around him. It would suffice, and would hide his face well enough in a crowd. His gaze then shifted to the woman, who watched him quietly. His fingers twitched, wondering if he should just kill her there. But he needed a guide to the city, so it would have to wait.

Without a word, the woman passed him, grabbed a bag and slung it over her shoulder and left the building, Kylo following close behind her. She walked in silence, not once looking back to see if he was falling behind. He walked tall, though every fiber of his being told him to stop. He couldn't tell if his stitches had fallen out, though it felt like they were being torn every time he took a step.

"How far?" he asked, keeping the pain out of his voice.

"Seven miles," she said, and Kylo almost stopped. Seven miles? On foot? The feat seemed impossible in his current state, but Kylo shook his head. He could not afford to think like that. He had to get to a ship.

He instead tried to distract himself by observing his surroundings. Her home was a small log cabin in the middle of a dense forest. The trees were tall and lush, and the forest had an unmistakably old feeling. The air was crisp and cold, but Kylo did not shiver. There was a path that the woman followed, but it was not perfect. Rocks and branches littered the trail as they went on. Occasionally, she would pick up a branch that blocked the path, moving them out of the way. At first Kylo thought she was doing it for both their benefit, but he started to notice that she could easily step over some of the branches she moved, with legs as long as hers. She was moving them because it was doubtful Kylo could lift his leg high enough to step over. This silent, strange, plain woman brought about more questions than she answered, though Kylo would not ask.

After a while of painful hiking, the woman stopped. She turned to face Kylo, pointing to her right.

"I found you over there, if you'd still like to see?" she asked. Kylo looked where she was pointing, and there was no trail. Just a heavily wooded area that he would have to crouch to get through. The woman looked at him expectantly, waiting for his answer. He would not let her see him in any capacity beyond the strength he was exuding. He nodded, and the woman immediately made her way into the trees. Kylo followed, glad she could not see the grimace on his face as pain ripped through him.

Not far off the path, she brought him to a clearing. Kylo straightened up, and had to lean against a tree for a moment. The woman stared at him, and he struggled to hide his labored breathing. She pointed up into the trees, turning away from him. Kylo followed her finger to the branches, which were broken and smashed in a line that lead straight to him.

"I have no idea how you weren't killed," she said. "This explains the fractured ribs, though, I would think. It's a miracle you weren't hurt more. I have to think you were unconscious when you fell, it's the only way this could have happened." Kylo was quiet while she rambled, mostly because he was sure his voice would betray him if he tried to speak. She looked at him, and he tried to stand. Against his will, he felt himself start to fall forward.

"Damn," he grunted, waiting for the impact. Instead, he felt a hand on his chest, falling against the woman, putting his full weight on her. She buckled slightly under his weight, but managed to keep both of them on their feet. Very slowly, she lowered him to the forest floor, leaning his back up against a tree. He tried to keep his façade, but he could feel the sweat on his face, and he grabbed his side.

"Try to hold still," the woman said, pulling his robe down to reveal his chest. She removed the bandages, and Kylo ventured to look down to see his grotesquely bruised ribs. He also noticed that the stitches in his side had ripped, and blood was running down his body. He grunted and leaned his head back, paying no mind to the woman.

"Damn it," he mumbled again. He heard a soft shushing noise and looked at the woman, who was rummaging in the bag she'd brought.

"It's okay, I can fix it," she said, her voice somehow calming him. Of all the things to say, "I can fix it" was a phrase he had never heard. He believed her. She pulled out a syringe, flicking it a few times.

"No," Kylo said, "not that." The woman's eyes narrowed.

"I have to restitch this," she said slowly. Kylo's rage flared. Did she think he was stupid? "You were unconscious the last time I did it. Do you really want me stabbing you repeatedly without any medication?" Kylo's expression didn't change, and the woman waited a tense few seconds before shrugging and setting the painkiller aside. She pulled a needle and surgical thread, sterilizing her hands and tools and turning back to Kylo. She wiped the blood away and cleaned the injury, causing Kylo to tense at the sting. She looked at him one more time as though checking to make sure he didn't want the numbing agent, and when he didn't speak, she took the needle and began to pull his skin back together.

Kylo clamped his mouth shut and screamed, the muffled sound dying in the trees. He turned his face away from the woman and her work, and she did not stop nor lessen the pace with which she tended to him. His hands grabbed fistfuls of dirt, and he wanted nothing more than to shove the damp earth down her throat and watch her choke on it.

"Almost done," she said, tying off her work and bandaging it immediately. She quickly sat back to sanitize her hands, then rewrapped his ribs. Kylo's breathing was labored, but he turned to look at her. "Well done," she said, sounding breathless. There was a moment while she gathered up her equipment, but she sat back and put her head between her knees, breathing slowly. She laughed for a moment, though Kylo found nothing about the situation funny. Upon watching her, though, he could now clearly see heavy bags beneath her eyes. She was exhausted.

"How did you get me out of here?" he asked before he could squelch his curiosity. She looked at him, a tired half-smile on her face.

"I dragged you through the trees, and you sort of woke up and hobbled back to my house. Mostly, I carried you," she said. Kylo quickly looked up and down her frail, thin body, and the woman laughed. "I'm stronger than I look, I promise you." She looked at his wrapped chest, checking her work. "I stitched you up right here the first time, too. You've just undone about a week's worth of healing, though." Kylo's eyes widened slightly.

"A week?" he asked, his voice low and dangerous. The woman nodded, tilting her head to the side.

"How long do you think it's been?" she asked. Kylo didn't answer her, his pain-induced anger fueled by her patronization. "You were asleep for five days. Why do you think your more minor wounds were already healed?" She looked at his face, her dark eyes wide. "Still, that you were able to make it this far is remarkable. You've a strong will."

Kylo met her gaze, and she smiled slightly. He felt as though those dark eyes could see right through him. He didn't like it.

The woman looked up, finding the sun through the trees. She brought her knees together and put her head down, closing her eyes. Kylo leaned against the tree, focusing on his breathing. The forest wasn't necessarily quiet. The wind rustled the trees, and distant animals made various noises. Kylo would almost think it peaceful, if not for the fire under his skin. They sat there until Kylo's breathing was relaxed, or as relaxed as it could be. The woman lifted her head, and Kylo looked at her, waiting for her to speak.

"Will you please come back to my home?" she asked. "I let you leave because I didn't think you'd stay on my insistence, but do you understand now?" Kylo sneered, scoffing.

"Do you take me for a fool?" he asked, almost growling.

"No, actually, that's not the impression I get," she replied, her voice suddenly hard for the first time, "which is why I'm wondering why you insist on going to the Village. You are in no condition to move, and you're hurting yourself more by not allowing time to heal. What are you gaining from this little display?" Her voice was forceful, full of frustration and insistence.

"What makes you think you can speak to me like that?" Kylo asked, seconds away from cutting through her like bread. But the woman rolled her eyes and stood up.

"What is it?" she said. Kylo didn't respond, he just kept glaring at her like he could disintegrate her with a look. Technically, he probably could. She scoffed and shook her head. "You just walked two miles with cracked ribs, and sat through stitches with no anesthetic. And who is here to witness this? It is literally only me out here, the only one who will see you, and I couldn't care less." Kylo stared at her, fighting the urge to strangle her without moving a muscle.

"Leave me alone," Kylo growled, and the woman grunted, taking a further step away from him. She ran a hand through her hair and looked around, and Kylo could feel her exasperation.

"Yes, because I could do that," she said, gesturing around her. "There's no one else here. If your injuries don't kill you, some animal will. So yes, let me just walk off and let that rot away my conscience." She clenched her fists and turned around, her hands on her hips. "Are you always this stubborn?" she asked, turning back to him. "Makes it hard to help you."

"Why do you want to help me?" he asked, skepticism dripping in his tone. The woman looked away from him for a moment, but approached him again, squatting down to meet his eyes.

"Because like it or not, you need me," she said, "and it is not in my nature to turn away someone who needs my help." Kylo still didn't answer, trying to make her look away from him. Those huge glass eyes bore into him, and she would not yield. "You carry on like this, by the time you get back to whatever ship it is that you're so desperate to get back to, you'll be useless." Kylo looked down at himself, bandaged and bruised. He hated to admit it, but she was right. It burned him to agree, but he wouldn't make it another five miles. He wondered how he'd make it the two miles to get back to her home.

Kylo nodded, and tried to get up. The woman moved lithely to his side and caught under his arm, helping him to a standing position. He tried to move away from her, but found himself unable to stand without the support. She shot him a nasty glance and hoisted him a little higher, forcing him to take a step forward.

"Most people would be grateful for what I've done," she muttered. Kylo didn't respond.


	3. Chapter 3

Kylo lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. The journey back to the house had been grueling, and it didn't help that the mysterious woman had been less than gentle on their way back. She wasn't nearly rough enough to cause him further damage, but she didn't go out of her way to make him comfortable. She walked around the room he was in, pouring water for herself, though she did not pour him a glass. She turned to him, her expression neutral.

"Give me the robe," she said. Kylo didn't feel like cooperating. She scoffed and walked over, holding her hand out. "You've got blood all over it, give it to me." Kylo paused for a moment, but painstakingly sat up to hand it to her. She took it without ceremony and walked passed him. Kylo could've sworn he heard her muttering under her breath, but he elected to ignore it. She didn't come back inside for a long time, but Kylo could hear her splashing water around outside, supposedly washing the robe.

How was he supposed to get off this planet? The girl would do as a servant until he was healed, but how long would that take? Beyond that, though, it had been a week. Why had no one come looking for him? The woman came back in, paying him no mind.

"Have there been any search parties?" Kylo asked, watching her uneasily but trying to hide his discomfort. She turned to him, shaking her head.

"Nothing has flown over, if that's what you mean," she said. Kylo's face showed no reaction, but the woman's large eyes narrowed. "Why do you need to find a ship so quickly?" Kylo didn't respond, he just looked at the ceiling. The woman sighed and took a few steps towards the outer door. "You're going to be cooped up here for the next few weeks, you might as well try to be cordial." She was quiet for a moment, but the next, she grabbed her bag and left. Kylo heard her footsteps get softer as she moved further and further away.

A quiet filled the room, and Kylo remained motionless for the next few hours. It slowly got darker and darker, the temperature in the room decreasing significantly. Kylo shivered, but the action made it hard to breath as his ribs tensed. He tried to meditate, focus on his rage to speed his recovery. But footsteps outside the cabin ripped him from his thoughts as the woman returned.

She took one step into the house and shivered, wrapping her long arms around herself. She walked into the adjacent room and returned a moment later, throwing a thick blanket over Kylo. She then turned away, starting a fire. The fire flared up, and Kylo could feel the heat reaching him quickly. The woman did not move, she just sat next to the warmth, soaking it in. The glow from the fire almost made her pallid skin look flushed. Kylo stared for a moment, but that same curiosity from the clearing overcame him.

"What do I call you?" he asked. The woman's head ticked over, the silhouette from the fire making it look like her black eyes were just sockets in her face. It was very unnerving, she might as well have been a corpse.

"Notti," she said. "You can call me Notti." Her soft voice carried through the room, her motionless figure doing nothing to ease the tension between them.

"Where are you from?" Kylo asked. She didn't even blink.

"I lived on Tatooine for many years," she said, not offering any information beyond that. She didn't ask about him, she didn't move. Kylo suddenly regretted trying to start a conversation with her.

"Why are you out here?" he asked, wondering why she would live out in the middle of nowhere. She, however, did not seem to want to answer that question.

"You're rather chatty," she remarked, standing up. "Are you hungry?" She stood up and walked to a cabinet and pulled out a pot, going outside to fill it up with water. She came back and set it over the fire, throwing in various objects from her bag into the water. Kylo looked at the concoction warily, not entirely trusting the strange plants she seemed to deem edible.

"What is it?" he asked, trying to sit up but grunting and lying back. Notti looked over at him, smiling softly. She picked up her bag and walked to his bed, sitting down and showing him the contents inside.

"This," she said, holding up a root, "is ilth. It tastes like it sounds, but it has remarkable healing power. The rest of this, Truvian potatoes, kilari, pell, will hopefully help mask the ilth. Unlikely, but we can hope." She smiled at him, bringing the vegetables back to the pot and throwing them in. She held up the ilth, looking back at Kylo. "I am so sorry," she said, and she threw it in. She immediately stood up and opened the window above the counter, and Kylo understood why a few seconds later.

A rancid smell hit him like a punch to the nose. He coughed and then groaned, his sides convulsing. Notti coughed as well, laughing slightly. She approached him with a rag, one covering her face. She held it out to him, and he held it to his nose. It wasn't perfect, but at least he could breath again.

"Is there any healing thing on this planet that doesn't smell like rot?" Kylo asked, and Notti laughed. It was a different laugh, a true moment of amusement for the first time.

"Not really," she replied, her voice muffled through the rag. "All the best medicine smells like it'd like to kill you." She approached the pot slowly, stirring it with her arm completely extended. Kylo almost chuckled at the absurdity of the motion. Almost.

"You expect me to eat that?" he asks, sneering. Notti chuckled, nodding her head.

"You'll get out of here faster if you do, so it'd be in your best interest to take whatever I give you," she said. Kylo rolled his eyes and stared at the ceiling, trying not to breathe too deeply. A short while later, Notti brought two bowls to his bedside, sitting down on the chair next to him. She put the bowl down on the bed, obviously having learned not to try to help. She crinkled her nose for a second, but picked up her spoon and took a bite. She swallowed and stared at the bowl, her face expressionless in the low light.

"So?" Kylo asked, unnerved by her lack of a reaction. She coughed once, pressing her lips together.

"No, it's awful," she said, laughing between coughing fits. Kylo sneered, eyeing the bowl next to him.

"Why are you eating it, then?" he asked. After all, she wasn't hurt. Notti pointed at his bowl, then at him.

"So you don't have an excuse," she said, taking another bite. She ate quietly, waiting for him to do the same. Kylo rolled his eyes, anxious to be rid of this irritating woman. He tried to sit up, propping himself on his one good arm. He reached for the bowl with his bad arm, twisting uncomfortably. Notti paused for a moment, watching, though she offered no help. He took the spoon and shoved it into his mouth, immediately going for another before he had a chance to taste the first. As soon as he did, though, he gagged and spit the entire mouthful out over the floor.

"That's vile," he choked, and Notti just laughed, agreeing.

"I know, but you've got to stomach it," she said. "I've seen it shave weeks off recovery time. That has to appeal to you." The idea sound preferable. Kylo eyed the soup, as if sneering at it would scare it into tasting better. Notti watched him for a moment, the intensity of her gaze not helping. Her face fell into a rather sarcastic grin. "If you can't feed yourself, I'll have to feed you." That was it. She'd done it.

Kylo put more of the soup into his mouth, knowing that she was trying to manipulate him. Still, the idea of being spoon-fed was enough to stomach the pain…and the taste. It truly was the most disgusting thing he'd ever had, but if it got him out of the pit faster, he'd oblige. Notti chuckled and stood up, apparently already having finished hers.

"It wouldn't be the first time," she said, turning away from him. His vision immediately turned red with anger as his eyes tracked her through the room.

"What did you say?" he asked, his voice deadly again.

"You think you went a week without eating?" she asked, apparently unaware of the danger she was in. "You were sedated, but I got you to wake up enough to eat whatever I gave you." Kylo burned at the thought. Notti looked at him, her smile falling at his expression.

"Why?" he asked. Notti's face suddenly looked so sad, and she approached Kylo slowly. She sat down on the bed next to him, her eyes looking straight through him. When she spoke, her voice was so soft he could barely hear her.

"What happened to you?" she asked. Kylo was surprised by the question, and his eyes widened slightly. "I'm trying to help you, and you act like everything I do is an attack on you personally. Kylo," she said his name, so gently he leaned forward to hear what she had to say. "Why are you treating me like an enemy?" Kylo looked at her, the unremarkable woman. Something stirred in the base of his stomach, something compelling him to a moment of honesty.

"People don't just help someone they don't know," he said, his voice betraying no emotion. "So why are you?" Notti's head tilted as she stared at him, smiling sadly.

"Because sometimes people just help someone they don't know," she said. The firelight flickered on her face, half of it in shadow. Still, her emotions were so easy to read, though Kylo still didn't understand.

"But what do you gain?" he asked. Notti's face again betrayed a myriad of thoughts, a deep sadness the easiest thing to identify in her coal eyes.

"I don't gain anything," she said. "Why do I need to?" Kylo thought for a moment, thinking to everyone who ever tried to help him. They'd all wanted something from him, and the concept of someone wanting nothing from him made him uneasy. An image of Han Solo flashed through his mind, but Kylo was brought back to reality by Notti's voice. "Who made you like this?" she asked.

Kylo looked at her. Really looked. She didn't even look like an actual person. She was an unfinished painting, indistinguishable from fog on a rainy day. You'd never pick this woman out in a crowd, except to take a few steps away from her soulless eyes. Still…

Kylo turned away from Notti and lied on his side. As much as the position hurt, he didn't want to look at her anymore. He heard Notti sigh, but she stood up and took a few steps away. He listened as she stoked the fire, her shadow dancing on the wall above Kylo's head. She moved to the doorway to her room, stopping for a moment.

"Make sure you finish the soup. If you need anything, just ask." With that, she went into the next room, leaving Kylo alone in silence. He tried to focus on his breathing, but after two hundred and fifty six agonizing breaths, Kylo returned to his back. He picked up the rancid smelling soup and finished it, leaving the bowl on the floor.

The next few days passed in silence. It seemed to Kylo that Notti had given up trying to ask him questions. She kept the fire going, fed him whatever she was eating. She continued to eat the ilth with him for the first couple days, but subjected him to the torture alone after that. Sometimes she would leave the cabin for hours at a time, coming back with various plants and vegetables to eat. She barely looked at him, except to change his bandages or help him move outside to relieve himself.

Kylo didn't mind this exchange. It was easier to tolerate being taken care of when someone didn't speak. Her dull metallic complexion allowed him to think of her as a medical droid, sent to tend to him until the First Order found him. To Kylo's increasing annoyance, no ships flew overhead. Where were they?

Still, after a while, the silence was tiring. He could feel Notti's patience, but there was a curiosity within her. Out of the corner of his eye, he started to catch her watching him. The longer he spent with her, the easier he was able to read her. If he was particularly bored, he passed the time by studying her, trying to separate her emotions. It wasn't particularly thrilling, as she was mostly a calm, placid being. Every once and a while he'd catch something interesting. Annoyance, frustration, quirks of emotion that rocked the tide of her mind. Mostly, though, she seemed content in the forest.

It was the sixth day when Notti returned after being gone all day. Kylo turned his head to watch her, listening to her hum softly. He'd become very acquainted with every little knot in the wood of her ceiling and desired a different distraction. Boredom more than anything else compelled him to strike up a conversation. In the long run, he barely cared what her name was, much less anything else about her. But cabin fever impacted even him after a few days in a forest.

"Where do you go?" Kylo asked, and Notti looked over at him, her eyes surprised. It was the first time either of them had really spoken in days.

"It depends," she replied, sitting down. It seemed to Kylo that she was as bored as he was of the silence. "Some days I go find us food, some days I look for medicinal herbs around the forest. Some of it I have to walk fairly far for." Kylo nodded, suddenly wary of how she looked at him. "What do you do all day?" The question annoyed him, but he didn't have anything better to do.

"I count every imperfection in your ceiling," he said, looking up. She followed his gaze, giggling.

"Imperfections? In my ceiling?" she said, her voice sarcastic. When Kylo looked back at her, she was already meeting his gaze, one of her eyebrows cocked mischievously. When he didn't respond, she just chuckled. "This house was built long before I ever came here. But I love it." Kylo listened to the fondness in her tone, looking around the house.

"Why are you out here?" he asked. It was a point of mystery since he'd woken up. He kept expecting someone else to come home, but all evidence suggested that she lived alone, seven miles from anyone else.

"I'm not much of a people person," she said bluntly. Kylo watched her, studying her face. "I go to the Village every so often, but usually not for any longer than I have too. It's not the villagers," she said, as though ashamed of the confession. "They're lovely people. I just don't like being around that many people for a long time. It's peaceful out here, quiet." Kylo looked at her, understanding the feeling. He lived on a ship with thousands of people, and he preferred the company of a decaying mask.

"You don't strike me as a hermit," Kylo said, listening to her laugh.

"Well, I spend entire days out of the house to get away from just one person," she said, "so imagine me surrounded by an entire village." Her tone wasn't cruel, and even Kylo could recognize the humor. He didn't give her the satisfaction of a smile, but his eyes narrowed slightly. Apparently, that was enough for Notti as she wrinkled her nose and stood up, going to start the fire in the fading light.

The next couple of days, Notti seemed more willing to carry a conversation with him. She taught him different herbs, identified different birds when they'd sing. He figured out the easiest way to get her to talk was if he asked about the animals on the planet. Living out where she did, apparently she'd had plenty of experiences with them. It was the eighth day when he got her going on a story about kips.

"What's a kip?" Kylo asked, Notti having mentioned it in passing. She smiled, shaking her head.

"Have you ever seen a wolf?" Notti asked, and Kylo nodded. He'd actually met two when striking a deal with a thug on behalf of the Supreme Leader. The man had two wolves as guards, large animals with sharp teeth and short tempers. Notti didn't know that though. "They're like those, but bigger. They live for hundreds of years, and I don't think they ever stop growing." Despite his best effort to remain apathetic, he couldn't help feeling inquisitive.

"What are they like?" he asked, wondering what her encounters with them looked like.

"Age does not make them kind," she said. "Most of my interactions with them ended up with me in a tree. The longest they've kept me up in one is four days before they lost interest." Kylo's eyebrows rose involuntarily, and he couldn't help but be impressed.

"Do they come here?" he asked, halfway between hoping they lived far away and hoping he'd see one. He imagined bringing back the hide of that animal. But Notti laughed, shaking her head.

"No," she said. "They live much deeper in the woods. The only time I've seen them is when I travel into the mountains to the east." Kylo nodded, finding enjoyment in the mental image of Notti camping out in a tree to avoid razor sharp teeth.

After only two weeks, Kylo was already up and walking around. He could tell that Notti didn't approve, but she didn't say anything. He didn't think a seven mile hike was quite possible yet, but soon. He often left the cabin now, going a little ways into the woods to train. Three weeks without wielding his saber left him restless, so he passed time cutting down trees and stacking them with his mind. He was pleased that the setback hadn't dulled his skill. Now that he'd given himself to the darkness, he couldn't afford to fall behind. He couldn't disappoint his grandfather now.

The sun set on the fifteenth day after he'd woken up and Notti walked by him, going to her room. He watched her retreating figure, her limp hair swaying lightly. She made him consider getting a personal protocol droid once he returned to the First Order. Useful. Kylo closed his eyes, leaning back. He stretched an arm above his head, pleased at his ability to hide his discomfort. None of the others would be able to tell he was injured. He'd just have a scar down his face, a testament to his power and perseverance. He contemplated the idea of no loner wearing his mask as he drifted off to sleep...


	4. Chapter 4

_Snoke stood over Kylo, his hologram towering over the kneeling figure in front of him. Kylo looked down, his mother kneeling in front of him. His saber was drawn, but when he had done that, he didn't know. All he knew was what he'd been tasked, though he'd never heard the words. His mother spoke, looking up with pleading eyes._

 _"Ben," she whispered, "Ben, please. You can still come home. Please, it's not too late." She reached out a hand, holding onto his robe. Kylo looked up at the Supreme Leader._

 _"Master," he said, his mask distorting his voice, "Han Solo has already fallen. Why this task?" The hologram sneered._

 _"Sentimental, Kylo Ren?" he asked. Anger surged in him, and he looked down. But something in his mother's eyes stayed his blade._

 _"Ben," she said. She just kept repeating his name, undeniable love in her voice. How could that be? He'd killed her husband, his father. Yet she still wanted him to come home. "Ben, please."_

 _"Why?" he asked, watching her face. She laughed._

 _"You're my child," she said, "and I will always love you." He did not take his eyes off of her, but Snoke's voice boomed above him._

 _"Do it."_

 _"Ben, Ben, please." His mother stood up, putting her arms around him, holding him tightly. "Ben."_

 _"Do it, Kylo Ren."_

 _"Ben, please."_

"Kylo?" A new voice, far away and faint.

 _"Kill her." Kylo's light saber approached his mother's back, the crackling light inches away from killing her._

 _"Ben."_

"Kylo!" The voice was a little louder this time.

 _"Do as you are told."_

 _"Ben, please." Kylo started to scream, feeling himself being ripped apart. His mother's hold on him tightened, and the light saber remained motionless behind her._

 _"Kylo Ren."_

 _"Ben."_

"KYLO!"

He jolted awake, a scream dying in his throat as he woke up. He immediately sat up, a pair of very real arms wrapping around his back. His head found a shoulder, and he rested it there for a moment, his breathing rapid.

"Kylo," came the voice. Notti's voice. His mind was swimming, he felt sick and feverish. Notti's lank hair smelled like the forest, and it had a calming effect. He tried to focus on the sound of trees, the smell of the wind. Notti leaned back, holding him up by a shoulder and looking at his face. "Are you all right?" Kylo looked up at her, finding breathing difficult.

"How did you know to come?" he asked. Her brow furrowed.

"Kylo, you were screaming," she said, her voice soft. "A man called Ben, you kept repeating his name. Is he the one you're trying to get back to?" The question sparked something. Kylo all but stopped breathing, looking into those black eyes. In a moment of exhaustion, Kylo's head fell forward onto Notti's shoulder.

"No," he said, though how true that statement was seemed blurred. They were still for a moment. Notti didn't ask anything else, just putting a hand on the back of his head.

"You're safe now," she said. That was one of the first things she'd ever said to him, when he woke up the first time. For no reason, he believed her. In all of space, he was never safe. Everywhere, even within his own side, there were enemies who wanted him dead. As soon as he returned to that world of war and hate, that world that he needed, he would return to that condition of risk. But right now, in this moment, he was safe.


	5. Chapter 5

The morning came without further incident. Notti had helped him lie back down and gone back to bed, but she walked back into the room at sunrise, Kylo waking at the sound of her footsteps. She didn't give any indication that there had been an exchange that night, for which Kylo was grateful. She poured herself a glass of water and looked out the window, suddenly freezing. Kylo tensed and sat up, but Notti held up a hand to him, a smile passing across her face.

"Stay quiet," she whispered, grabbing a small sack that hung next to the door. She walked out, leaving the door open. Her footsteps were slow, fading quietly. Kylo stood up, going to the door expecting Storm Troopers and blaster fire. He found nothing of the sort.

Notti was slowly approaching an animal. It was a deep green color, six legs, a long neck. It looked like the deer on Endor that Kylo had seen once as a boy. Notti moved slowly, barely making any noise. The deer watched her, its ears perked in her direction. She squatted down, putting her hand inside the bag and pulling out small grains. She held it at arms length, a decent distance considering her proportions. The deer sniffed the air, approaching slowly. Notti's patience was impressive, and she took on the still posture that unsettled Kylo so much. Now, though, it seemed appropriate. Within a couple minutes, the deer was eating happily from Notti's hand.

She turned to Kylo, the smile on her face as big as he'd ever seen it. She ticked her head, silently telling him to come closer. He shook his head, but she nodded quickly, giving the deer another handful. It looked up, bumping it's nose into her cheek, and she turned back, scratching it under its chin. Kylo rolled his eyes and stayed where he was, wondering why she didn't kill the thing for meat. They hadn't had any since he'd been there. Notti gave the deer another handful, and upon completing that, it bounded away into the forest. Notti stood up, watching it leave. With a happy smile, she turned back to Kylo, walking to the house.

"Wasn't she beautiful?" she asked. Kylo didn't respond, and Notti just walked past him. She hung up the grain bag, and Kylo followed her back into the room.

"Why didn't you kill it?" he asked, and Notti looked at him with an amused smile on her face.

"I've never been much of a hunter," she said. "I buy meat when I go into town, but I've never killed anything in these woods. Wouldn't know what to do with it if I did." She looked out at the sky, cloudless and bright in the early morning. "I'm going today, if you think you could come. We'll find you a ship to get you out of here." Kylo's eyes widened, and Notti's gaze turned to him. "You don't think you're strong enough yet?" she asked, though it was not a question meant to shame. It was an honest question of his own assessment, an opportunity to make his own decision.

"I'm well enough," he replied. Notti smiled and nodded, grabbing her bag and leaving the room. Kylo wrapped the cloak around him tighter and followed her, steeling his mind to the following walk. He was strong, capable of the journey. Any normal man wouldn't be able to make it, but he wasn't normal. He was above, superior. He was only a few short hours to the First Order, then he'd be free of the humiliation, free of the cabin, free of…

Notti walked a few paces ahead of him. Her hair was pulled behind her, swaying with her footsteps. She didn't speak, just walked along. She didn't turn, but she seemed to be keeping his pace, though he walked rather well. Her disgusting plants seemed to have done their job. Occasionally a bird would call out and she'd turn to look, but she didn't stop moving. Kylo's fingers twitched, his light saber bouncing slightly against his side. Something bothered him though.

"Why did you never ask what this was?" he questioned. Notti didn't even turn to look.

"The metal bar you have?" she asked. "It wasn't my business. It was the only think you had when I found you. Figured you'd want it close." Something told Kylo that wasn't the whole answer.

After a time, the trees started to thin, and a town came into view in a valley below them. Kylo pulled up the hood, hiding his face as best as he could. Notti looked at him, laughing and shaking her head. She turned her back, and Kylo reached for his saber, ready to cut her down. He'd been waiting for this moment for weeks, and now was his chance.

"Come on," she called, "it's just this way." His hand rested on his saber, shaking. He wanted to pull it out, burn the woman. He wondered if her blood was as colorless as the rest of her. If she even had blood.

But even in his anger, something stayed his hand. He sensed, deep within him, that this woman was yet to still be useful to him. Her part was not complete. She began to descend a staircase in the cliffside and after a fleeting moment of hesitation, Kylo followed.

The staircase led to the bottom of the valley, to a bustling town. People crowded the streets, some saying hello to Notti as she passed. Every once in a while she'd turn around, making sure he was still there. She led him through a marketplace, with shops calling out prices and vendors showing their wares. A rotund man with purple skin spotted Notti, waving a hand and coming out to where she was.

"Notti," he said jovially, "it's been a while. I was going to come check on you if you didn't come down to see me." Notti laughed, putting a hand on the man's shoulder.

"I'm perfectly fine, Dego," she said, and the man's gaze shifted to Kylo. The hood shadowed most of his face, but Dego's eyes narrowed.

"And you'd be?" he asked, taking a step between Notti and Kylo. Notti just laughed and pulled him back.

"He's a friend, Dego, it's fine," she said. Kylo didn't argue with her categorization, though he disagreed. "We really must be going, but I'll stop by later. I need more medical supplies anyway." Dego looked from Notti to Kylo a couple of times, but smiled.

"Anything for you," he said, and Notti returned the grin. She ushered Kylo away, moving quickly towards what looked like a shipyard.

"Sorry," she said, "Dego's a bit protective." Kylo stared at her from under his hood, watching her weave through the crowd. So many people smiled at her, said hello. She greeted all of them the same, with a smile on her face or a polite nod. It was disgusting.

"Do you know everyone on this planet?" Kylo growled. Notti laughed and shook her head, stopping and turning to face him.

"Almost," she said. "It's a small valley." She looked around, pointing to a moderately sized red freighter just beyond the edge of the town. "That's where all the ships come, since it's the only patch of dirt around here big enough for them all to land. You'll be able to find someone there who'll take you. Here," she reached into her bag and pulled out a small drawstring sac, handing it to him. It jingled with what Kylo assumed was money. "That should be enough to get you out of the system at least. They're honest men, they won't try to cheat you."

Kylo looked at the purse in his hand, wondering how much of her money this was. She looked around, then back to him. Notti smiled, her dark eyes crinkled. He hesitated, and Notti's face fell slightly.

"What is it?" she asked. Kylo looked at the money in his hand, holding it out to her.

"I can't," he said. He knew full well he could control the minds of anyone in that shipyard. He didn't need her money, and found no enjoyment in the thought of taking it. There was nothing to gain. "I'll make my own way." Notti tilted her head, studying his face. She took the money, looking conflicted, but as always, respecting his decision.

"Good luck, Kylo," Notti said, putting a gentle hand on his arm. She smiled as Kylo nodded, and after a moment longer, she turned and walked away, disappearing into the crowd. Kylo stared at the spot she'd been a moment earlier, her white hair fading like smoke. He looked towards the ship yard, walking in that direction.

It all happened so suddenly.

An explosion went off twenty feed to Kylo's left, throwing him off the ground. He went through the side of a tent, his ribs protesting wildly as he hit something solid. He grunted, looking towards the source of the explosion. Twenty Storm Troopers approached, firing through the civilians. Kylo's annoyance could barely be contained as he stood up, walking towards the Troopers.

"Here," he yelled, holding up the hand that wasn't currently grabbing his ribs. Two of the Storm Troopers looked over, seeing Kylo Ren. They began to approach him, and Kylo removed his hood. As soon as he did so, he felt a shift in the Force. Something was wrong.

"It's him!" one of the Storm Troopers yelled. Both Storm Troopers raised their blasters simultaneously, firing at Kylo. He couldn't move fast enough in his condition, and while one of the blasts missed, the other hit him in the shoulder, spinning him backwards. He fell onto his stomach, blaster fire soaring above him. He got up, trying to hobble away. He screamed as another blast hit him in the back, and he fell to his knees.

"Stop," he tried to command, looking at the Storm Troopers. More were facing him now, advancing. His head swam, and he couldn't understand why they were firing on him. He stood up, turning his back on them and running as fast as he could. Admittedly, it wasn't very fast.

Villagers screamed around him, pushing and shoving as he tried to lose himself in the crowd. The Storm Troopers continued to fire as Kylo ran around the corner of a building, trying to catch his breath. He looked out from the alley, dragging himself away from the Storm Troopers. He rounded the back of the building, sinking to the ground. He couldn't help the muffled shout as the pain from the blaster shots seared his skin.

Before he could continue in his misery, two Storm Troopers rounded the corner, raising their weapons. He knew what they were doing. They didn't want to give him any opportunity to overpower them. They were just going to kill him. But there was something else.

A land speeder came soaring into the alley, mowing down the two Storm Troopers. Kylo looked up, a pair of huge black eyes staring down at him.

"Kylo, come on," Notti screamed, holding out a hand. Kylo immediately took it, hoisting himself up onto the speeder. Notti shot off forward, working her way through the back streets. She kept bumping into the buildings, coming dangerously close to breaking off her own legs or Kylo's as she rounded corners. But the blaster fire was becoming quieter as Notti avoided the main streets.

"Where are you going?" Kylo asked, grunting as his newly bruised ribs jostled behind the unsteady driver.

"If I go up the way I took you, they'll see us," Notti replied. "I'm going the long way around. It'll take a little longer, but we should be able to get back without them noticing." Notti cut out of the town, making her way into the woods.

"Have you ever driven one of these before?" Kylo asked, ducking under a branch.

"We don't have any in the Village, so only when passing travelers would allow me. Which, admittedly, wasn't very often. And never this fast," Notti confessed, laughing nervously. Kylo rolled his eyes. If Storm Troopers didn't kill him, she would. Notti slowed slightly in the trees, weaving uncertainly. Once they couldn't hear the sound of blaster fire anymore, Notti turned in the direction of her home, giving the Village a wide berth.

They traveled in silence, the journey still going faster than had they walked on the direct path. Kylo tried to steady his breathing, but his confusion and anger clouded his judgment. He leaned forward, his head falling on Notti's shoulder.

"Are you all right?" she asked, her voice steadier than it had been earlier. Kylo straightened up, unable to speak. Notti sped up a little, her house coming into sight within a few minutes. She drove the speeder up to the door, jumping off and immediately turning to help Kylo. He practically fell off the speeder, Notti catching him under an arm. He leaned on her as she dragged him inside, laying him back down on the bed he'd become so well acquainted with. "I have to go move the speeder in case they come here." It wasn't a request, and she left him alone.

Kylo stared at the ceiling, weeks of healing gone in a moment. He didn't understand. The Storm Troopers knew who he was. Why would they fire on him? Did the scar across his face truly disguise him so much that they wouldn't recognize him? That couldn't be it, since they had recognized him. None of this made any sense, and it did nothing to calm Kylo's turbulent mind.

Notti ran back in, grabbing her bag and coming to Kylo's side. She immediately began to unwrap his robe, and he did nothing to impede her work. She first tended to the shoulder wound, cleaning it despite Kylo's groans. Her hands moved quickly, her eyes hard and focused.

"Why were they in the Village?" she muttered. Kylo's eyes widened slightly, realizing that there was no way for her to know they fired specifically on him. He still didn't respond, focusing on the pain, the rage. Notti's hands paused for a moment and Kylo looked at her. "Will you let me use the anesthetic this time?" she asked. Kylo thought for a moment, but nodded, giving in to a small indulgence, given the circumstances. Notti injected the anesthesia locally, waiting for it to take effect before stitching his shoulder together.

"There's one on my back too," Kylo said. Notti didn't react, she just nodded her head and moved Kylo into a sitting position, repeating the same actions she had on his previous wound. Her hands were warm, finishing their work swiftly. Notti stood up, helping Kylo lie back down. He closed his eyes for a moment, but her irregular footsteps caused him to look over. Kylo's eyes couldn't help but widen.

A deep gash ran along the side of Notti's left leg. He had no idea where she'd gotten it. She hobbled over to a chair and sat down, her face showing genuine pain. She hissed, grabbing antiseptic and pouring it over the laceration. She put a hand in her mouth, biting down and muffling a shout, turning her head away. She didn't stitch up her own leg, but wrapped it tightly. She leaned back for a few seconds, closing her eyes and breathing deeply.

"What happened?" Kylo asked, Notti not returning his gaze.

"I caught myself on something back in the Village," she said. But she didn't sit long, as in the next moment she was on her feet, cleaning the bloody equipment and disposing of soiled supplies.

Kylo watched her work silently, the room showing no signs of distress as soon as she was done. She stood in the middle of the room, swaying slightly. She backed up, sitting down on the edge of Kylo's bed and putting her head in her hands. She took a few deep breaths and looked over at him, her face pained.

"Are you all right?" she asked. Kylo nodded, watching her closely. She checked the stitches, looking at Kylo's wrapped chest. "That couldn't have helped," she said softly, and Kylo shook his head. A tired smile came to Notti's face. "I'll have to find some more ilth," she said, smirking mischievously. Though Kylo didn't react, the thought of stomaching that disgusting concoction one more time was enough to make him sick.

Notti stood, looking out the window. The sun was still high in the sky and the forest was calm, as though nothing was happening just beyond its reaches. Kylo watched Notti, her shoulders rising and falling slowly with her breath. It was the first time he'd seen her breath while she was standing still. Her pale hair contrasted against the dark walls and the trees, the light from the day silhouetting her lanky frame. It was the first time Kylo thought she looked alive.

"I don't know if they'll come," she said. She wrapped her arms around herself and turned to face Kylo. Her expression was dark, her eyes clicking back and forth as she thought. "But why would they come here?" She limped forward, leaning on the table. Her head fell, her hands balling into fists.

"They're looking for me," he said, immediately regretting the confession. Notti's head snapped over to him, her eyes wide. She took on the stance as she had before, completely motionless. Kylo thought at a lightyear a minute, trying to come up with a believable excuse for what he'd just said.

"I knew it," she said, a reaction he was not expecting. He kept silent, waiting for her to speak. She stood up, looking out the window. "They won't find you," she said. Kylo still didn't understand her actions, but he thought better of prying further.

"Thank you," he said, and Notti looked back at him, her eyes wide. Her surprise lasted a few moments, though no smile crossed her angular face. Kylo tried to take a deep breath, but a sharp pain in his chest stopped him, a quiet groan hissing between his teeth. Notti was immediately at his side, her hand on his chest. Her fingers moved softly over his bandages, and Kylo inhaled sharply, though he could tell how gentle she was trying to be.

"I didn't know that phrase was in your vocabulary," she muttered, and Kylo huffed once, almost a laugh, though he was sure he didn't know how to do that properly anymore. But the action came with consequence as pain seared through his chest. Notti hushed him, standing up and returning with a syringe. "It's called Medara. It'll take away the pain, put you to sleep so you can recover." She looked to him for a moment, and he nodded, watching her stab the needle into his arm and inject the sedative.

His senses begin to muddle almost immediately. While the pain dulled, a striking fear hit him like lightning. What if they came, and he was like this? Notti looked at him, her expression sympathetic.

"Don't worry," she said, "I won't let them find you. But you need this, just until tomorrow. There's too much trauma on your body, it needs time to come to terms with what's happened to it. I'll keep you safe until then." Kylo stared at her, her pale face blurring as his eyes slowly shut. With all the doubt, all the lies and deceit, he trusted this woman. For some reason, he sensed in her a deep conviction, something he could rely on in this moment of weakness. His last thought before his eyes shut was how easy it would be for her to slit his throat while he slept.


	6. Chapter 6

When Kylo awoke, it was dark outside. He did not wake of his own will, though, as he was unkindly jolted into consciousness. He heard them coming just as Notti ran into the room, kneeling down next to him. Land speeders, more than one by the sound of it. The Storm Troopers were coming through the forest.

"This is going to feel like a coffin," Notti said, and while Kylo's still somewhat sluggish mind tried to comprehend what she just said, she hit a wall tile two feet above where he was sleeping. The platform that was his bed lowered down, and Notti's face disappeared as a wooden slate pulled out of the wall to replace where he'd been. He heard Notti throw something on top of it, but she knelt a moment later, her voice coming through wooden slats in the bench frame.

"What is this?" Kylo asked, his words slurred. Notti ignored his question.

"No matter what you hear, you stay in there until they're gone. Do you understand?" Her tone was commanding, and Kylo nodded even though Notti couldn't see him. "If something happens, if I can't open the door, there should be a green button a few inches above your left hand." Kylo looked over, trying to make it out in the low light. "You press that, and the door will open. But only after you know they're gone. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Kylo said, feeling annoyed despite the peril of the situation. He heard Notti get back up and run to her room, and the sound of the speeders came to a roar outside before cutting out entirely. He heard voices as two, maybe three Storm Troopers walked up to the house.

"Come out with your hands up," shouted one of them, and Notti's light footsteps entered the room, though she did not cross it. The door banged open, and the Storm Troopers walked right past where Kylo was hiding.

"What are you-" Notti's voice came, soft and groggy. She apparently was trying to sound like she'd just woken up, and she was doing a decent job of it.

"Who else is here?" one of the Storm Troopers asked. Kylo heard a blaster powering up, and Notti began to panic.

"What? N-no one," she said, her voice high and desperate. The Storm Trooper took a couple of steps forward, and Kylo heard Notti yelp once. "Let me go," she said, though it sounded like she was holding back tears. How much of this was acting, Kylo couldn't tell. Still, it all sounded pretty convincing.

"Is there anyone here?" the Storm Trooper yelled, and Notti yelped again.

"There's no one else here, it's just me," she said. "Ask anyone in the Village, they'll tell you I live here alone. I haven't had a visitor in weeks." There was a stillness in the room for a moment, and Kylo wished he could see what was going on. He could hear Notti breathing heavily, but the silence was deafening.

"Search the house," the Storm Trooper commanded. Kylo tensed as footsteps echoed through the house. Apparently the one Storm Trooper didn't let Notti go, as he could hear her quietly struggling. A few minutes later, they'd apparently searched to their heart's content.

"Nothing, sir," relayed a Trooper. "No signs that anyone else has been here." There was another silence, and a jolt of panic ran down Kylo's spine as Storm Trooper footsteps walked right next to where he was hiding. But he sensed something in them. A murderous intent.

"Fine," said the commanding Trooper. "We'll take care of her." Kylo heard a thud, and Notti cried out, falling to the floor. The sound of more blows landing, of Notti screaming, filled Kylo's mind, and he was unable to block it out. They were going to kill her. She knew it.

Kylo lifted his hand in the dark crawlspace, reaching his mind out to the Storm Troopers. His clouded mind had trouble concentrating as he focusing what energy he had on changing their perceptions. He didn't speak, he couldn't, but it was worth a shot.

 _You will leave this place, reporting that you found nothing._

Another blow landed, and they threw Notti to the ground next to Kylo's hiding place. Her breathing was labored, but he could see the outline of her arm as she tried to crawl away. The next moment, she was dragged out of sight, screaming until someone kicked her. Then she stopped screaming.

A red hot rage shot through Kylo, inexplicable and fierce. He closed his eyes, his breathing shallow. He heard a blaster power up again, and his hand tensed.

 _You will leave this place, reporting that you found nothing._

A beat.

Silence.

A blaster powering down.

"We will leave this place, reporting that we found nothing," the Storm Troopers said in unison. They walked out, and Kylo listened as the speeders fired up and faded into the night. He listened for any sign of their return, but a groan within the room caught his attention.

"Hmm," came a soft sound, and he could hear Notti stir slightly. "They left?" she asked. Kylo nodded into the darkness.

"Yes," he said. Notti's breathing was labored, and she didn't seem to move from her spot on the floor.

"Don't come out yet," she said, and Kylo's eyes widened slightly. "They might come back. Stay in there until morning. We can figure out what we'll do then." He could hear her suffering on the floor, but her first priority was still to protect him. He didn't respond, and he heard Notti chuckle, and action that surprised him. "I should've left your ungrateful ass in the forest that first time you tried to walk to the Village. Would've saved me a lot of hurt." Notti chuckled again, and Kylo couldn't help the slight grunt of a sound that escaped him a couple times. Notti hissed, something within her causing her pain.

The two were silent, and Kylo eventually drifted back into a deep slumber, listening to Notti breathe.

...

The morning light crept in through the slats of the hiding space, hitting Kylo Ren's eyes. He woke up groggily, but found that most of the effects of the sedative were gone. It pleased him that his mind was clear, but his protesting body now cried out in pain, though he remained silent. He pressed the button above his hand, and the wooden slab retracted, his platform rising to take its original space. He sat up slowly and painfully, looking at the ground.

Notti lay on the ground, face down and defensive. Kylo couldn't assess much, but he could see dried blood on her face, bruises on the visible parts of her long arms. He swung his legs over the side of his bed, pulling himself forward to kneel next to her. He put a hand in front of her mouth, a breath hitting his skin. He suddenly found that he had no idea what to do.

"Hey," he said, shaking her shoulder. Notti groaned, her eyes fluttering open. Her groggy eyes seemed dazed and unfocused for a moment, but it looked as though the memory of everything that had happened the night before came flooding back in one moment. Her eyes widened massively, and she pushed herself up, immediately doubling over.

"Shit," she said, holding her sides. Kylo could see more clearly the damage they'd done, and it was extensive. Notti looked over at him, and Kylo saw her face in the light for the first time. Her right eye was black, a large cut under her eyes that was filled with dry, cracked blood. Her lip was open and swollen, and there was another more shallow cut above her left temple. There were finger shaped bruises wrapping around her arm. Kylo could only imagine what the rest of her looked like.

Apparently she did bleed. As red as he did.

"Are you all right?" Notti asked, and Kylo found himself unable to answer. There she knelt, broken, and the first thing she asked was about his well-being. He didn't understand her, and at no point did he think he would.

"Yes," he said, not finding any other words to answer her question. She smiled slightly, hanging her head. "You need medical attention," he said, putting as much command in his voice as he could.

"All I've got is what's here, and I'm not going to the Village now," she said. "I'm fine." She went to stand up, but cried out once and knelt back down, her forehead resting on the floor. Her knuckles were even paler as she clenched her fists, and Kylo looked around. "Ask me something," Notti suddenly said. "Anything. Start a conversation." Kylo paused for a moment. He didn't do small talk.

"What is that hiding space?" he asked, looking back at his mysterious bed. He wondered how he hadn't discovered it in his weeks lying there.

"This house used to belong to a pair of smugglers," Notti replied. "A man and his wife. Small time, no one of consequence to the larger crime syndicates. That was where they hid their cargo." Talking somehow seemed to help her, as her voice got stronger while she spoke. "It's meant to be invisible unless you know where to find it already."

"It performs its function well," Kylo said, and Notti scoffed once, nodding. Kylo didn't know what else to say, unused to being, well, tolerable to anyone around him. He looked to the door, her medical bag hanging beside the frame. "Now you'll have to keep eating the ilth, too," he said. Notti was quiet for a moment, but a genuine laugh erupted from her throat, and she sat up in one swift motion. It couldn't have been comfortable, though she gave little sign of pain.

"Oh gods, no," she laughed, sliding over to the table. She hoisted herself into a standing position, moving gingerly. Kylo did he same thing, his breath sharp. They stood in silence, and Notti shook her head. "Look at us," she commented. Her laughter wasn't amused, just tired. She took a few deep breaths, but stood up to her full height. She walked to the bowl of water and washed off her face, that being the extent of medical attention she seemed to provide herself. She looked out the window at the sky, then turned back to face Kylo. "We have to get a message to the Resistance," she said, and Kylo had to try very hard to hide his shock.

That's why she was helping him. She thought he was a part of the Resistance. Kylo thought quickly.

"We can't, not now," he said, trying to stand tall and firm. His ribs cried out in protest, though he managed to just twitch his face slightly. Notti caught the action and walked forward, her determined eyes ordering him to sit. He sat down slowly, his breathe coming in sharp grunts. "The First Order will be monitoring all communication off the planet. It we contact the Resistance now, they'll find us in an instant." Notti thought for a moment, her face hard.

"You're right," she said, "and I don't have a way of sending anything from here. We'd have to go back to the Village." She twisted slightly and her face turned into a pained grimace, but she didn't make a sound. "They'll come, your friends," she said confidently. "I'm sure they're looking for you, and if they haven't gotten here by now, they must be coming soon." Kylo remained quiet. He didn't have any friends, especially in the Resistance. He hung his head, his anger and confusion clouding his vision.

"Damn it," he hissed. Nothing made sense, and now he was a fugitive from the two biggest factions in the galaxy. He wanted to scream, to draw his light saber and cut this house down in flame. His rage was almost uncontainable, and his thoughts darkened in his fury.

"Kylo," came Notti's soft voice. He looked up to find her kneeling in front of him, and hand on his arm. "We'll figure something out," she said. "I'll keep you safe, I promise." Her expression was earnest, Kylo's surprised face reflected in her eyes. His anger faded, replaced with something far gentler that he could not identify. Notti smiled, standing up painfully.

"The Storm Troopers could come back," Kylo said. He wasn't sure how effective he'd been in deterring their search efforts. Notti shrugged.

"If they do, we'll figure it out," she said. Though her voice was confident, Kylo could sense her fear. She didn't know what she was going to do with them, and in this moment, neither did Kylo.

"How close is the nearest town?" he asked. Maybe he could escape there. But Notti shook her head.

"Even on the speeder, it's still about four days to Teg," she said. "Neither of us could make that trip in our current condition." Kylo nodded, looking down. Notti sighed, but spoke tiredly. "We've just got to lie low for a while. If they come back, we'll deal with it then." She walked into the adjacent room, and Kylo listened as she rustled around in something.

"That sounds nothing like a plan," he said, and he heard Notti laugh. She limped back into the room, leaning against the doorframe.

"You've got a better one?" she asked, and Kylo shook his head, looking down. He really didn't, and it wasn't like him. He felt no semblance of control, and it was maddening. He needed to distract himself, since he didn't have many other options.

"Where did you get the speeder?" he asked, the question coming to him suddenly, looking back up at Notti. She was watching him curiously, her piercing black eyes ever-observant.

"We borrowed it," she said, her voice hinting a smile.

"From the Storm Troopers?" he asked. Notti giggled, nodding her head slightly. Kylo felt a twitch of amusement, and Notti smiled brightly, limping past him to go outside.

"Where are you going?" Kylo asked, turning to face her in the doorway.

"To get something to eat," she said, grabbing her bag and heading out. Kylo winced as he got up to follow her, but thought better of it, lying down on his bed and staring at the ceiling.

Notti didn't stay out long, returning with various vegetables and to Kylo's immense relief, no ilth. She cooked it quietly, though there was less of the tension between them as there had been in the previous weeks. Kylo's hostility seemed to have abated in the crisis, as he now realized that survival was something he could not accomplish entirely on his own at this point. He hated himself for his limitation, but decided to bide his time. He'd leave the woman when she was no longer convenient.


	7. Chapter 7

Several days passed relatively peacefully. Notti found more ilth, and they both sputtered their way through bowls of the disgusting soup. The physical signs of Notti's encounter with the Storm Troopers faded quickly with the help of a myriad of odd smelling salves and herbs. Notti even tried them on Kylo's stitches, which helped immensely. The tension in the house was perceptibly reduced, and they conversed easier about trivial things. He noticed how she divulged as much personal information as he did, which was nothing.

It was the third day when Kylo ventured out of the house with Notti, determined not to let her recover faster than him. She walked slowly, still limping but keeping pace ahead of Kylo as she walked into the forest. Most of the ground was level, for which both of them were grateful. They didn't speak, listening closely to the forest for any sign of approaching vehicles. Finally, Notti knelt down next to a tree and Kylo stayed a few steps back.

Notti removed a small shovel from her bag, raising her arm and driving it into the ground. She grunted and paused, obviously overcoming a certain amount of pain from the action. But she picked up her arm and drove it down again, digging determinately. Kylo felt little obligation to help.

"Ilth grows beneath these trees," she said, obviously trying to distract herself from the hard forest floor. "You can tell which trees because the sap turns red in the sunlight. See?" The light shone in through the trees, illuminating the sap dripping down the tree. It looked like blood.

Notti stopped for a moment, sweat beading on her forehead. She coughed once, flexing her arm. She looked up at the tree, and Kylo waved his hand, loosing the dirt in the hole where she'd been digging. He didn't remove it, but it would make it easier to dig through at least. Notti continued her work, looking mildly surprised for a moment but continuing until she found what she was looking for. Kylo had a passing consideration of why he'd done that, but he pushed it out of his mind. It just meant they'd go back to the cabin faster, as he already regretted coming along.

On the sixth evening since the visit, Kylo sat in the main room, Notti kneeling next to him and rewrapping his stitched wounds. They already looked markedly better, but Notti insisted on keeping them wrapped. Kylo sat patiently, learning quickly that his aggravated behavior somehow always led to Notti's hands moving much more clumsily than they usually did. He watched her quietly, her mouth set in a firm line.

"Where did you learn this?" he asked.

"It was something I picked up on Tatooine," she said. Kylo had all but forgotten that that's where she was from. "When I came here, I was apprenticed to the healer in the Village for a time before I came to live out in the middle of nowhere."

"Why were you on Tatooine?" Kylo asked. He'd been there once, a barren wasteland that made Jakku look like a resort. Notti's hands stopped moving for a fraction of a second, but the discrepancy was enough to make Kylo notice. Something shifted in her eyes, and he sensed a deep loathing. It wasn't something he'd felt from her before, but the emotion was hot and suppressed. He could feel how hard Notti was trying to bury it.

"Well, I-" she started, her voice strained. She didn't get very far, though, as both of them tensed at the same moment. They heard it simultaneously, and Kylo was on his feet as fast as Notti was. The Storm Troopers were returning. "Get down," she whispered, shoving him into the back room. He crouched against the wall and threw his robe on, watching Notti crawl to the door and grab her bag, tossing it back to him. Kylo gripped his light saber, sure he could take them this time. He'd finally have an answer to what was going on.

Notti was still for a moment, listening. It sounded like there were more of them this time, though why, Kylo couldn't imagine. Notti's closed her eyes as a metallic clanking noise made its way through the forest, and the cracking of trees resounded through the woods. The noise was deafening, but suddenly, it stopped. Notti looked at Kylo in confusion, but crawled toward the counter. Very slowly, she rose up, peeking through the window. Her eyes widened, and she didn't even stoop back down. She turned and ran to where Kylo was, grabbing his shoulder and yanking him up behind her.

"Nope," she simply said, and he broke into a run behind her. They barely cleared the house out a back door when Kylo heard a familiar sound of a cannon…

And the house exploded behind them.

They were thrown forward, wood splintering around them. Both of them rolled several feet, but Kylo looked up to see Notti already standing. She reached back and grabbed his arm, pulling him along. He barely had a moment to fasten his saber back to his belt There was enough smoke that when Kylo looked back, he couldn't see the Storm Troopers. Additionally, the Storm Troopers couldn't see Notti run to a large tree behind her house. She hit an indistinguishable part of the bark, and suddenly, a door slid open and the land speeder came falling forward. Another clever smugglers cache.

"I wondered where you'd put that," Kylo said, and Notti took her bag back from him, throwing it over her shoulder. Kylo took the initiative and sat on the speeder first, Notti following close behind. She wrapped her hands around his waist gingerly, but when he sped off, her arms wrapped around his chest. He inhaled sharply, his vision blurring red until he remembered that she wasn't trying to hurt him.

Another explosion sounded behind them, and he felt Notti look back. The forest in front of them lit up with the fire, followed by the sharp lights from blasters as the Storm Troopers took aim in the smoke. Kylo, by far the better driver, weaved swiftly through the trees, hoping the commotion behind them would hide the sound of their speeder. Once they were in the darkness, he felt Notti turn back around and rest her face against his back.

"Keep heading west," she muttered, her voice weak. He felt her fear, her sadness. Still, she did not speak again.

Kylo rode through the night, the moon moving through the sky. The wind howled around them, and though they shivered, neither of them ever indicated that they should stop. He kept moving west, and since Notti never gave him a course correction, he stuck true to that. The sun was starting to come up when Kylo finally started to slow down, and Notti picked up her head for the first time in hours. Kylo spotted a lake through the trees to their left and swerved over, staying in the brush but approaching the shore.

He stopped in a particularly dense grove of trees, the forest immediately becoming eerily silent without the sound of the speeder. Notti got up without a word to Kylo, walking past him. He dismounted more slowly, watching her. Even though she'd put her head down for the trip, he knew she hadn't once fallen asleep. She staggered forward and fell against a tree, trying to walk by it but sinking to the ground. She pulled her legs to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, her back still to Kylo.

She stayed there as the sun rose, and Kylo sat against the speeder, doing nothing to ease her burden. Occasionally, a muffled sound would come from her direction, but soon after the sun came up, Kylo sensed a shift. Before, where there was immense loss, now was anger and confusion. Notti's head lifted, and he watched her wipe her face before standing up, her shoulders squared and her chin high. She turned around to face Kylo, and he could see the drying tears on her face. She walked up to him, pulling on her hair nervously.

"Let me check your stitches," she said quietly, and Kylo shook his head.

"I'm fine," he said, crossing his arms in front of him. Notti took a step forward, not looking him in the face.

"Please," she said, and Kylo looked at her. For the first time, she wasn't doing something to make sure he was all right. She knew he was fine. She needed a distraction. Kylo sighed and unwrapped the robe, letting it fall to his waist. Notti took a step forward, reaching out, but her hands stopped an inch before touching him. "I shouldn't unwrap these out here, not yet," she muttered, as though she was talking to herself. "It's not sanitary." Kylo watched her dark eyes dart around, trying to find something to do. He knew the feeling.

"I'm sorry," he said, not sure if he meant it. Remorse was not often something he let himself feel, afraid of what else it might dredge up. Notti looked up at him, her glassy eyes huge in the rising sun. For half a second he thought she was going to cry, in which case he'd probably just have to kill her to avoid handling that situation. But she just set her mouth in a line and straightened up.

"I don't blame you," she said quietly, walking around the speeder and going to the water's edge. Kylo remained motionless, noticing how she didn't say the more common _it's not your fault_. Because it was his fault. He hung his head, something akin to shame spreading through his stomach. He shook his head and wrapped the robe around him once more, dismissing the feeling and shoving it below the power of his rage. He still didn't have any answers. This was no time to be distracted.

Kylo turned to see Notti skip a rock across the water's smooth surface. He was having trouble reading her, so much turmoil fighting its way through her mind. She put her hands on her head, breathing deeply a few times. She turned back to face him, her expression stony and apathetic. At least, that's what she was trying to exude.

"We should rest here for a while, we've got good cover," she said. "We'll travel again once it gets darker. You can sleep, I'll take the first watch." He didn't feel tired, but he nodded, lying down on the cold ground. He heard Notti walk away, but he willed himself to sleep, trusting his own instinct to alert him if danger approached.

After what felt like only a few seconds, Kylo awoke, Notti sitting a few feet away with her back up against a tree. Her eyes looked off at nothing as she didn't move, taking her statue like stance. Kylo looked up, the sunset already beginning. Perhaps he was more tired than he'd let himself believe. But he looked at Notti, her vegetative state disconcerting.

"Have you been awake the whole day?" Kylo asked. Notti didn't move any more than to just nod her head once.

"You're the one that has to drive tonight," she said, her voice dead and monotonous. "I found some edible vegetables nearby. They won't be very good raw, but I figured we shouldn't start a fire. They might see the smoke." Kylo noticed a small pile of mushrooms and other various vegetables next to him. He sat up, his eyes shifting back to Notti and her half dead expression. He picked up something that looked roughly like a potato and threw it in his mouth, chewing and swallowing it before he could taste it. He coughed slightly, his ribs still not fully healed but quite a bit better than they had been.

"Where are we going?" he asked, and Notti shook herself slightly, looking at him.

"If we keep heading west, we'll hit Teg," she said. "It's our best chance of contacting the Resistance." Kylo nodded, still hoping to keep up the ruse well enough to continue putting distance between him and the First Order. He finished the food she'd found quickly, standing up. She followed suit, slinging her pack over her shoulder. She pulled out a canister of water, handing it to him. They both drank quietly, and Kylo got on the speeder, ready for another night of freezing wind whipping his hair violently around his face. He looked at Notti to get on, but he saw her looking back in the direction they came. She only lingered for a moment, but climbed on the speeder behind him and hid her face. Kylo sped off through the trees.


	8. Chapter 8

This time, once the sun was rising, Kylo found a small outcropping of rocks. There was enough room under them to hide the speeder, so Kylo stopped there and dismounted. Notti didn't get off, just stared blankly ahead. Her eyes were wide, and Kylo knew she hadn't slept at all that night either. That was forty-eight hours that she'd gone without sleeping.

"Get some rest," Kylo commanded, and Notti ticked her head towards him.

"I'm fine," she said as she stood up, her mouth barely moving. Kylo rolled his eyes and stepped behind her, throwing a hand up to head and Forcing sleep into her mind. Notti fell backwards and Kylo caught her, much to the protest of his aching body. He set her down on the ground, standing up and looking around. Suddenly, though, a thought occurred to him.

He looked down at Notti's sleeping body. She'd been useful so far, but soon she'd become a burden. He didn't know what lie to come with as to why they couldn't contact the Resistance once they reached Teg. But why come up with one? They were in the middle of a vast forest, her closest chance for survival weeks away on foot. She'd die out in the woods with no witnesses if he'd just shoot off on the speeder now. He knew where to go, why keep her around? Surely, she'd fulfilled her function by now.

But just as it had before the events in the Village, something kept him from doing so. That gut feeling not to cut her down had proved right in the past. Apparently, the powers of the universe were telling him that there was use to her yet. He could always kill her once they reached Teg.

Notti woke up around midday, her eyes opening slowly. She sat up and stretched, wincing slightly. Kylo sat on the speeder, watching her closely. He'd found some mushrooms growing on the rocks nearby a few minutes earlier, putting them down by her head as she'd done for him. He tossed one around in his hands, wondering if he could make it any better with the heat from his light saber.

"When did I fall asleep?" she asked, looking up at him. Her eyes widened as soon as she saw him. "Tell me you didn't eat that," Notti said suddenly, and Kylo tensed.

"What?" he asked, his voice dripping with deadly intent. He didn't like the tone she used. She looked up at him, standing quickly and smacking the mushroom out of his hand. Her face was panicked.

"Did you eat any of these?" she asked, and Kylo stood up, indignant.

"Not yet, I found them right before you woke up," he said, trying to tower over her tall frame. He hated her height, it made it much more difficult for him to feel domineering. But Notti sighed and looked down, gathering up the mushrooms and throwing them into the woods.

"Those are poisonous," she said, and Kylo's face blanched. He felt a sudden anger at her correction, though he knew that logically didn't make any sense. He was so used to turning to anger that it was his natural reaction to any situation. But Notti didn't seem to notice as she turned back to him, a soft smile on her face. "What would you do without me?" she asked. Kylo didn't respond to that comment, silently acknowledging that the feeling from the morning had been correct.

"How could you tell?" Kylo asked. Notti walked over to the rocks, putting her hand on them.

"You live in the forest long enough, you learn a few things," she said, closing her eyes. An immense wave of sadness swept over her, but Kylo felt her stifle it. She looked back at him, scratching her head. "If you want to get some sleep, I'll go find something to eat. We've still got a ways to go to Teg."

"You said four days by speeder, right?" Kylo said, and Notti's face looked impressed.

"I wasn't aware that you listened when I spoke," she said, "but yes, that's correct." Kylo scoffed, crossing his arms. Notti chuckled once, walking away from him. "There he is," she muttered, and Kylo turned toward her, biting his tongue and sitting down on the speeder. Insolent woman.

She returned quickly with more edibles, and Kylo didn't fall asleep until later in the day. When he woke up, the sun was almost completely gone. He and Notti didn't speak, just got on the speeder and off they went into the night.

Tonight was different though. Notti hid her face when they set off, her hands firmly on his waist so she didn't fall off. About halfway through this night, that grip lessened, and Kylo felt her face start to slide to one side of his back. He slowed down and reached back, steadying her with one arm. She was fast asleep, and it seemed unlikely that she would wake up. Kylo took a deep breath and steadied her, wielding the Force in a more gentle way than he was used to. He let her go and straightened her up with his mind, using that power to hold her behind him. It took more concentration and control than he liked to apply, but he thought of it as a training exercise. He could impress Snoke with his finesse when he returned, assuring the Supreme Leader that he had not wasted all his time away. Compared to a blaster beam, a long, lanky alien was barely a challenge.

By the time the sun came up, Notti was starting to stir, and Kylo let her regain her grip. She rolled her forehead on his back, groggy in the early morning. Her arms slid around his waist, and he stiffened at her touch in the expectation of pain, but when there was none, he did not tell her to let go. At least she wouldn't fall off. Kylo shivered, this night being especially cold. He looked around for a suitable place to stop, and saw a small clearing under a dense grouping of trees. He pulled into it, stopping rather suddenly. Notti jerked forward and woke up quickly, her arms retracting from around Kylo.

"I fell asleep?" Notti said, her voice almost distressed but mostly confused. Kylo turned to look at her, nodding. She stared at him, laughing in the next second. She shook her head and got up, stretching. "One more night, we should be get there sometime tomorrow morning," she said, and Kylo nodded. The gray woman looked around, taking a few steps into the forest and picking something off a bush. She came back and held her hand out, Kylo holding his out below it. She dropped a handful of orange berries, popping a few into her mouth with her other hand. Kylo followed suit, impressed.

"Nice to know that not everything in this forest wants to make you sick," he said, and Notti laughed. She looked into her bag.

"I managed to bring a little ilth if you miss it," she said, and Kylo shook his head, huffing slightly. Notti laughed and looked at Kylo. He felt his expression tighten under scrutiny and she tilted her head to one side. "Why don't you ever smile?" she asked. The question was out of character for her, and he just stared up at her. He didn't really know how to respond.

"It's been a long time since I've had anything to smile about," he said. The closest he usually got to a smile was when he bested Hux in something and smirked under his mask. That was about as happy as he could get while surrounded by the First Order. Notti's face was somehow sympathetic, and he identified a similar feeling within her. His eyes widened fractionally. She understood.

"I'm sorry," was all she said. She pointed to the bush where she'd picked the berries. "Anything you pull off of that plant is safe. Eat your fill," she said. She walked into the forest, leaving him without ceremony. He focused on her, sensing her thoughts becoming more turbulent the further she got. She didn't want him to see her, that much was clear.

Kylo turned his attention to the bush she'd pointed out. He took a deep breath, trying to use the same energy he'd used to keep Notti on the speeder last night. It had felt different. He was so used to using the Force violently, the surging power satisfying his pent-up rage. This power was subtler, and he picked off berries individually, bringing them across the clearing to rest in his hand one at a time. He noticed that for the first time in a long time, his mind was calm. With that realization, he dropped the one berry he was currently bringing to him in the middle of the clearing.

He balled up the berries that were already in his fist, the orange juice dripping through his fingers. He threw the mass at a tree, his hand going reflexively to his light saber. He wanted to cut down the trees around him as easily as he had cut through the equipment on his ship. A red-hot rage filled him, dark and painful. Everything began to swim, clouding his vision and making him shake. A rustling to his left caught his attention, and he pulled his light saber, though what met his eyes stopped him from drawing it.

It was a deer like the one Notti fed outside her house. This one was slightly larger, and it stared at him with big eyes that looked remarkably like Notti's. It took a step into the clearing, sniffing the air. Kylo watched it, feeling neither a compulsion to approach it or scare it away. It didn't seem afraid of him, but curious. It was a strange sensation to be in the presence of something so innocent and vulnerable. But the moment didn't last long. The deer's ears perked up, and it was gone in a blur of six legs. Kylo understood why in the seconds that followed.

Several ships passed overhead and Kylo froze, ducking low in the clearing. He looked around for any sign of Notti, but there was no rustling in the trees to signal her approach. Kylo remained motionless, waiting for the ships to pass by again, but he didn't hear it coming. Still, he remained motionless for a good twenty minutes, not chancing his decreasingly poor luck. His light saber was still in his hand when Notti silently appeared in the clearing, crouched low and moving slowly. He quickly put it back under his cloak as she stared at the sky.

"That was scary," she said. Kylo stared up, straining his ears to listen.

"We shouldn't split up anymore," he said. "If I'd had to leave, I might not have found you." The statement felt unnatural to say, but he obviously still needed her to get out of this forest.

"Fair enough," she said in a breathless voice. She entered the clearing and immediately sat under overhanging branches of one of the trees. She pulled her legs to her chest, her eyes still facing up though she probably couldn't see through the branches. "I only saw one, but I know there were more. Did they belong to the Storm Troopers?" she asked. Kylo shook his head.

"I don't know," he said, though he was very sure they had. He relaxed his posture, sitting down and spreading out his legs. His ribs ached slightly, but adrenaline and ilth sped his recovery enough that it was more a dull ache than anything. Notti seemed to notice his slight discomfort, but didn't say anything and turned her attention back to the sky.

"As unlikely as it will be, you should try to get some sleep," Notti said. "I already slept well enough to make it through the day, you need to make it through the night. We're almost there." Kylo stared at her for a moment, silently agreeing that sleep would not come easily. Still, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes, waiting in agonizing consciousness for the release of sleep.

When he awoke, the sun was lower in the sky, though it wasn't yet sunset. Notti hadn't moved from her place under the trees, but she held a stick in her hand, drawing pictures in the dirt. Kylo straightened up and Notti looked over, smiling.

"Good evening," she said softly, looking back down to continue her drawing. "Nothing else passed overhead, though I'm sure you would've woke if something had." Kylo watched her, remarking how much older she looked now than when he'd first woken up in her house weeks earlier. Sure, her gray skin and white hair probably didn't help, but that wasn't what made her look old. It was her eyes. The black eyes that looked so artificial now held so much sadness it made her look ancient in the low light.

"Are you all right?" Kylo asked, almost biting his tongue. But Notti didn't look at him, not at first. She finished drawing her picture, then drew the stick over it sideways, erasing it in the dirt. Finally, she took a deep breath and looked up, trying to smile.

"I will be," she said. She ticked her head in his direction. "How about you? Anything I need to check before we head out in a little bit?" Kylo shook his head, wrapping his cloak tighter around him. She always deflected her own care. Kylo could relate.

As the sun got lower, they sat quietly together. Notti closed her eyes, but Kylo never sensed her fall asleep. At one point, he could hear her humming something softly, though it was never loud enough for him to make out what it was. She only opened her eyes again when the sun began to touch the horizon, casting long dark shadows in the forest. She stood up and Kylo did the same, getting on the speeder and waiting for Notti to follow. But she stopped for a moment, walking over to the berry bush and pulling a couple more off. She threw them in her mouth and walked back to the speeder, getting on. She put her hands on his hips but didn't hide her face this time, looking forward. After a pause, Kylo sped off through the trees.

The full moon that night lit up the trees, so Kylo could drive a little faster. He weaved through the trees, listening to the small exclamations Notti made when he wouldn't avoid a tree until the last second. He heard her laugh once, but she leaned forward and wrapped her hands around his waist, resting against his back.

 _I'll keep you safe, I promise._ That was she she'd said. He thought of her burning house, of her screams when the Storm Troopers came. He felt a scorching heat in the base of his stomach, and an image of Han Solo flashed before his eyes. He shook his head, gritting his teeth and speeding up slightly, enjoying the thrill of control he had in this one instance.

The moon crossed the sky, and Kylo cleared his mind of everything except the controls of the speeder. Notti never fell asleep, though she never looked back up either. So he saw it before she did.

The sun was starting to come up, and Kylo saw clouds of billowing smoke rising in front of them. He smelled it, and apparently so did Notti as she sat up. He felt her body go stiff and her mind go blank. He didn't stop, and the sounds of crackling fire continued to get louder. Kylo saw a ridge coming up and slowed down, stopping before he could see what was under the cliff below them. Notti stood up before he did, walking forward. She came to the edge of the ridge and froze. Kylo already knew what he would find, but he got off and walked forward anyway.

Notti's frame became silhouetted by the flames of the burning city in the valley. The entire valley was on fire, embers flying into the sky. The Storm Troopers that had flown over before, they'd been on their way here.

Notti sank to her knees, though Kylo still couldn't read her. He walked slowly next to her, squatting down and looking at her face. Her eyes reflected the devastation below, glassed over as a single tear fell down her face.

"Teg. Everyone," she whispered, unblinkingly staring at the carnage. "They're all dead." Kylo looked out, not sensing any life from the city. He nodded, looking back at Notti. Only her eyes betrayed her emotion. "There were children in that city," she said. Her whole face contorted to shock, looking over at Kylo. "The Village," she said, hardly audible. "Cala, Yynik…Dego, they're dead too." Kylo wanted to look away from her piercing eyes, but found he couldn't. What was once to unsettling was now so familiar and pained, he couldn't turn away from it.

"Yes," he said, feeling the walls in her mind slowly come crumbling down. She already knew the truth, but it seemed that hearing it from him confirmed her fears. She turned back to the fire, covering her mouth with her long fingers. Tears streamed freely down her face, but she couldn't seem to stop staring. She sobbed quietly, and Kylo just watched the city burn in her eyes. He didn't want to look.

"What kind of monsters could do this?" she breathed. Kylo's eyes widened, and the hot feeling in his stomach that he'd felt earlier came back, this time spreading to the ends of his limbs and his face. He was glad Notti couldn't see him. What kind of monster? He heard Han Solo's voice.

 _My son._ Kylo gritted his teeth, trying to bury the guilt. But looking at Notti, hearing her unknowingly brand him a monster, he couldn't stop the floodgates from breaking. He'd known he was a monster for a long time. Monster, beast, creature. He'd heard it from other beings across the galaxy. Why, when she said it, did it make him burn inside?

"We have to go," Kylo said quietly, reaching forward and taking her arm. She looked over at him, her white hair orange in the glow.

"Go where?" she asked, hopelessness seeping into her tone. Kylo shook his head, unable to stop himself from feeling her mind.

"I don't know," he said. "Where is the nearest city?" Notti began to shiver, and Kylo shook her gently, trying to keep her grounded in reality. "Where?" he repeated.

"Six days north," she said. Her voice shook. Kylo looked around.

"Then we'll keep heading west," he said. "The further from anything we get, the safer the other cities will be." He didn't know if that was true, but Notti seemed satisfied with the answer. At least it was a plan, for now. Kylo pulled her away from the edge, bringing her back to the speeder. She wouldn't turn to face him, she just stared at the blaze and the smoke rising into the morning. She was no longer crying, but her cold expression was almost more concerning. He could feel her building up the walls again. She quickly got on the speeder, her arms around Kylo's waist a little tighter this time. He didn't tell her to let go.


	9. Chapter 9

They traveled until about midday, Kylo keeping to the more wooded areas that he could still navigate through. He kept going until he could no longer smell the smoke from the fire, and still would not stop. At least he knew one thing; the Storm Troopers didn't know where he was. They'd destroyed the Village, Notti's home, and Teg in the hopes of smoking him out or at least killing him from a distance. It wasn't much, but it was something.

He came up to a series of hills, and while there were less trees, he found several caves, one of which was relatively sizable. He pulled the speeder into it, powering it down. Notti picked up her head, getting off the speeder and looking around. There was no evidence on her face that she'd been so distressed hours earlier. The cave was deep enough that no one would be able to see them unless they were standing at the entrance.

"We'll be safe here, at least for a while," Notti said. Her voice was devoid of all emotion, and now even when she was moving, she didn't look real. She moved robotically, her dark eyes sinking into her head in the low light of the cave. She'd shut him out completely, something that was not easy to do. Notti didn't look at him, walking a few feet away and lying down on the ground. She curled up on her side and closed her eyes, and Kylo could feel the concentration going into trying to make herself fall asleep. He stared at her for a while, stepping off the speeder. He approached her, taking off his cloak and laying it on top of her. She didn't stir, and he felt her slip into unconsciousness.

He crouched down, extending a hand toward her face. He concentrated, working his way into her mind. Her face wrinkled and she groaned, shifting slightly. He lessened his hold on her mind, remembering that he wasn't trying to torture information out of her. That was easy. This would take the same finesse he'd been figuring out how to use. He tried again, moving more slowly in her thoughts. He didn't have to dig very deep, as in sleep she could not hide her imaginings. She relaxed, and Kylo was able to more clearly see her dreams. Bits and pieces, nothing whole, but still a terrifying picture.

He saw fire, heard the screams of thousands. He saw a vast desert, Notti standing in the middle looking around. A man stood before her, a long whip in his hand. He raised it, and before he brought it down, Kylo saw an image of the forest. A deer stood in front of him, but it was gone in an explosion that sent him flying back, and out of Notti's mind. Her face contorted, but she didn't wake. She just grabbed his cloak and pulled it around her tighter, turning her face to the ground. Kylo stood up, regretting his curiosity. He didn't understand everything he'd seen, and he was torn between wanting to know more, and wanting to leave this cave and her behind.

He walked to the other side of the cave, lying down and forcing sleep upon himself. It seemed there was nothing else to do right now.

...

It was dark when Kylo Ren woke up. Notti was still asleep, her face more relaxed then when he'd last seen her. He hadn't dreamt of anything. He stood, walking over to the speeder and sitting on it, crossing his arms. He felt Notti's mind stir, waking up slowly. He focused on her, watching her mind shift from blurred sleep to a tidal wave of realization crashing down on her. But something distracted her.

Kylo watched her fingers wrap around his cloak, and he looked away as she sat up. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her look from the cloak to him a couple of times, finally resting on him. He looked at her, but found that she wasn't meeting his eyes. He followed her gaze to his light saber, which was no longer hidden by the cloak.

"You wanted to know why I didn't ask what that was," she said. He remembered having that distinct feeling that her answer had been a lie. "I've seen it before." Kylo's eyes widened, though he didn't move or speak. "Not yours, obviously. A man who saved my life once, he had one. He said it belonged his uncle. It was purple, the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." Her eyes didn't leave his weapon, but she wasn't looking at it anymore. Her mind was in the past.

Kylo listened, wondering who else could have a light saber. He'd just seen his grandfather's light saber, but that didn't mean it was the only other one in the galaxy beside his. And a purple one? He'd never heard of that.

"That's why I helped you," she said. Both of them snapped back to reality, as their eyes met. "I know what kind of man carries a weapon like that." Kylo tried not let any emotion betray him on his face.

"What kind of man is that?" he asked. He felt compelled to know her answer. She paused, studying his face but smiling gently.

"The kind of man worth saving," she said. Kylo didn't know what he'd been expecting, but it wasn't that. Somehow, she always knew which words to string together to throw him the most off balance. He stared at her earnest face, knowing how much pain was just below the surface. She broke their glance, looking at her hands.

She stood up and grabbed his cloak, giving it back to him. Kylo took it, wrapping it around himself and hiding his light saber. He saw her eyes flick to it, and against his better judgment he pulled it out, letting her look at it. Kylo stood up and walked past her, looking back and holding it out. Her eyes widened and she took a step towards him, standing next to him. She took it gingerly, and Kylo took a step behind her, holding her arm out in front of her.

"Here," he said in her ear, and he felt her shiver. But her arm was steady as she activated the light saber. It shrieked to life, and Notti jumped like she was trying to pull away from it. But she bumped into Kylo's chest and steadied herself. She laughed once, a breathy, excited sound. The red light lit up the cave, and Kylo watched it dance across her face. But her smile did not last as her excited expression fell. "What?" he asked.

"It's so chaotic," she said. "It's beautiful, but it's so angry." She didn't look at him, but Kylo still felt as though she could see right through him. He'd always thought his light saber was a direct reflection of his heart, though he'd never told anyone that. He just appreciated how intimidating it was and left it at that. But now, listening to it echo through the cave, watching it in the hand of someone else, he saw the anarchy that existed in the energy. Powerful and fierce, but disordered and tumultuous. Perhaps a better representation of his heart than he'd originally let himself believe.

Notti retracted the light saber, plunging the cave into darkness. The light from the moon made its way into the cave slowly as Kylo's eyes adjusted. Notti handed him back his light saber, and he hid it again below his cloak. There was a beat, but Notti did not move from his side. She looked at him, her big eyes reflecting the moonlight from outside. He wanted to hold her gaze, but found himself looking down. To his embarrassment and relief, his stomach growled at that exact moment. Notti smiled and started to walk towards the entrance to the cave.

"I'll go find something to eat," she said, and Kylo didn't argue. It was dark enough for her to move around unseen. Beyond that, he wanted to be alone.

Notti was gone by the time he looked up. He stared at the mouth of the cave, his mind racing. For so long he'd known what he wanted, or he thought he did. He wanted power, he wanted to fuel that rage that existed within him. He wanted to live up to his grandfather, prove his strength to Snoke and everyone else. He was not weak, and every action he'd taken was to prove that. He'd never stopped to think about the repercussions, he never let himself. But now, in the silence of the cave, all he could see was Han Solo's face, glowing red in the light of the saber that pierced him. Just as Notti's had moment earlier.

No matter what Han Solo said, it was too late now. The Light was forever lost to him, he'd seen to that.

Kylo sat down on the cave floor, his head between his knees.


	10. Chapter 10

Notti returned around half an hour later, soaking wet and carrying a halfway decently sized fish. Kylo watched her come up to the entrance of the cave, slipping and laughing. He stood up, choosing to focus on this situation instead of what else was going on in his mind.

"What happened?" he asked, looking at her dripping wet clothing. She smiled, holding the fish up.

"I caught dinner," she said happily. When Kylo didn't respond, Notti laughed. "There's a small lake over the next couple of hills. I finally managed to chase this one into shallow enough water to grab it, but it took a while." Notti's voice began to tremble as she shivered. Kylo stared at the fish, his nose curling.

"Are we going to eat it raw?" he asked, unable to stop the distaste from creeping into his tone. Notti shook her head, looking outside.

"I think if we go deeper into the cave, we should be able to light a fire, at least for tonight," she said, the idea of a fire somehow comforting. She looked at Kylo, her face in shadow. "Do you think you could cut us something to burn?" she asked, and Kylo didn't answer, wondering what she was suggesting. He heard her laugh. "You think I couldn't hear you practicing with that thing in the forest? It's a quiet forest, Kylo. You could've brought back lumber at least once," she said. Kylo widened his eyes but scoffed, turning to the speeder.

"I'll be back," he said, riding the speeder out into the night. He reached the trees quickly, looking around before unsheathing his light saber. He hacked down a smaller tree, and it felt good to let go for a moment. He grunted and swung, the action not challenging but satisfying all the same. He moved the wood to the speeder without lifting a finger, bringing it back to the cave. He pulled the speeder into the cave, walking back to where Notti was.

She already had a small pile of tinder deep within the cave, and she added a few of the pieces of wood. She pulled two rocks out of her bag, and they sparked when she struck them together. Soon after, they had an impressive fire that filled the cave with light. Notti held the fish over on a stick, and the smell was enough to make Kylo's mouth water.

"Not that mushrooms and ilth aren't satisfying, but I'm looking forward to this," Notti said, and Kylo nodded. She took the fish off of the fire, splitting it open skillfully. She handed half of it to Kylo, and both of them ate eagerly. It was simple, but compared to their recent diet, it was divine. Kylo looked over at Notti, though she seemed to take little notice of him as she ate. He looked down, a twitch on his face.

"Could use some ilth," he said, and Notti froze, her eyes raising to look at him. She looked almost comical, her fish held in front of her motionlessly.

"The last time you tried to feed us, we almost died," she said. Her voice was flat, but there was a hint of sarcasm beneath it. She stared at him for a moment before smiling, even giggling. Kylo could feel the side of his mouth twitching as he huffed once, and Notti shook her head, smiling broadly as she ate her fish. She finished eating and threw the remaining bones into the fire. She studied the flame, watching it flicker.

Kylo watched her out of the corner of his eye, her bemused smile fading into shadowed grief. He knew what she saw in the fire, he saw it too. Teg burned in her eyes, and he knew she could imagine the Village on fire too. He sensed her desolation, the ashen feeling in her heart now held cutting into him.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. Notti's eyes flicked to him, her cold face set in a determined frown.

"I want you to know," she said, "what happened to them isn't your fault. Those murderers are responsible, not you." Kylo avoided her gaze and she stood up, going to the mouth of the cave. She looked out, wrapping her arms in front of her. "I don't understand how people can do that," she said, her voice carrying though she spoke hardly louder than a whisper. Kylo watched her silhouette.

"The power of the Dark Side is strong," Kylo said, and Notti turned to face him. He could barely see her expression, but he could feel her conflict.

"The Dark Side?" she said. "The Dark Side and the Light Side. Those are the choices, right?" Kylo could barely comprehend the incredulity in her voice, but he nodded. She scoffed and came further back into the cave, leaning up against a wall. "I've never prescribed to that," she said, and Kylo hoped she couldn't see the shock on his face.

"What?" he asked, his voice betraying him for the first time.

"Light and Dark?" she said. "It's not one without the other. It never has been. You can't know what the Light is without the Dark, and the Dark, it's important." Kylo could hardly believe what he was hearing. "Life is not without Darkness. When you try to forget it, to push it aside, it makes it worse. Those on the Light side always seemed to want to eradicate the Darkness, but that's not how it works. Don't let the Darkness consume, but find the balance between the two. When everyone started thinking they were separate, that's when…" but she stopped. Kylo wanted her to keep speaking, he wanted to know what she had to say. Because for the first time in a long while, something made sense to him. He was desperate for that clarity, no matter how it came to him.

"Who taught you that?" Kylo asked. Notti laughed once.

"The man that saved me, his name was Jara," Notti said. "He was the one that brought me to this planet. His uncle had been a Jedi a long time ago, but he died when Jara was very young. Jara remembered what his uncle taught him, tried to find more from others. I didn't know the man long, but he taught me a little of the Force. Of the Light and Dark side. I never told him, but I didn't agree with the difference between the two."

"What happened to him?" Kylo asked, and Notti shrugged.

"He left not too long after he brought me here," she said. "I never saw him again." In the light, Kylo could see a sad smile on her face. Kylo turned to the fire, the warmth not really reaching him. He felt cold inside.

"No one's ever explained it like that," he said. He heard Notti walking and looked up. She sat down in front of him, crossing her legs. The fire reflected off her gray skin, her eyes. She stared at him, and he found himself unable to look away this time. Her head tilted, almost like she was studying him.

"You're so angry," she said softly. "I see it, in the way you walk, the way you speak. You're full of so much pain, but you won't recognize it. You just turn it into rage." Kylo found he couldn't speak. Her shrewd eyes bore into him as she leaned slightly closer, continuing in a hushed voice. "You are allowed your pain, Kylo, even if you follow the way of the Light. Pain doesn't always mean Darkness, sometimes it just means you're alive." He stopped breathing. "Don't let that pain devour you, but don't bury it. That's how the Darkness wins."

Kylo stared at Notti, the unremarkable woman. Just looking at her, there was nothing truly extraordinary. She couldn't control the Force, she didn't have power like he did. She was an ordinary woman living in a forest. But somehow, someway this woman knew more of his heart than anyone he'd ever met. Her dark eyes could see his soul, he knew that much. He felt his heartbeat crashing against his chest. She smiled, soft and kind, a look no one had given him in a long time.

Kylo nodded once, unable to articulate a response. She was too much in this moment, and Kylo stood up. He walked to the edge of the cave, pausing. He looked back at Notti, and she was turned away from him, her face to the fire. He sensed no malice, no manipulation. Just a warm acceptance, no expectation.

He left the cave, walking into the night. He didn't quite know where he was going, but he had to get away, at least until morning. He walked to the lake Notti found, watching the moon cross over the surface as it traced across the sky. He didn't think of much, just let his mind go blank in the night. When he returned to the cave, Notti was fast asleep next to the embers of the fire, her sleeping face glowing slightly in the light.


	11. Chapter 11

Kylo awoke to find the fire long dead. Notti was already awake, sitting at the mouth of the cave and humming softly. She gave no indication they'd had their previous conversation when Kylo walked up and sat across from her, looking out into the sunny hills beyond.

"Best thing to do now is keep moving," Notti said. "We'll find help eventually." Kylo nodded. Starkiller Base had been destroyed, it's not like the First Order could bomb the entire planet. "It's almost two weeks west before we'd hit another town," Notti said, "and I'm not sure how to get there. The furthest I've ever traveled is Teg, what lies beyond that is relatively unknown to me. But," Kylo looked at her, her gaze far away over the hills, "I think if we keep going west, about half a night's ride from here is supposed to be another forest. Older, bigger trees. A place of magic." Her voice was almost hushed with the last sentence, and Kylo felt a twinge of annoyance.

"Is it a real place, or a fairy tale?" Kylo asked. Notti laughed, though she didn't sound happy.

"What's the difference?" she said. There was something off in her voice, and her eyes drooped tiredly. Kylo stared at her, though she wouldn't meet his gaze.

"What is it?" he asked, his voice harsher than he meant it to be. Notti jumped and looked over at him, but she didn't look afraid. Just present, like she was surprised to find herself in the cave.

"Nothing," she said, flashing him a smile. "Just trouble sleeping last night." She stood up and looked around outside, but stepped out into the sun. "No fire anymore, but I'll find something to eat. It looks pretty barren for most of the ride west of here until the forest, not a lot of places to hide. We shouldn't leave until after sunset." She didn't wait for a response as she walked from the cave, her footsteps fading into the day.

Kylo stood up, grunting and walking further into the cave. He clenched his fists and kicked the wall, leaning forward and resting his head against the cool surface. He breathed deeply, trying to calm his racing mind. He wanted to go back to the lakeside from the night before, when his only thought had been on the moon. He turned around and sat down, his back leaning against the cave. He crossed his legs and closed his eyes, counting his heartbeats. When Notti returned, he at least had a better semblance of control.

She brought back berries and roots, one of which was dramatically more palatable than the other. Kylo ate with no complaint, the two spending the rest of the day in silence. It seemed to Kylo that Notti was waiting for him to speak, but sometimes it didn't even seem like that. Sometimes her mind seemed far away, and all Kylo could read from her was a dreamlike trance that consumed her entirely. She went in and out of the fugue throughout the day, never mentioning anything about it. Kylo never asked, not really in the mood for a chat after the night before.

Night fell, the sunset turning the sky a bright orange. It wasn't until the sky turned black that the two mounted the speeder and went off into the night. Kylo kept them heading west, and saw no sign of a giant, magic forest. She had been right about the land being flat, and Kylo hoped that nothing flew overhead. Even in the darkness, they couldn't be saved from a search light.

"There," Notti said, pointing over Kylo's shoulder. He saw it at about the same time she did, though he hadn't realized what it was. A great black mass of land stretched out before them, and Kylo realized that the trees were so densely branched that they blocked out all the stars beyond them on the horizon. Kylo could feel an excitement from Notti, her childlike thrill at the sight of the oncoming trees. The closer they got, the more intimidating the forest looked.

Kylo slowed down, the edge of the forest fast approaching. The trees blocked out the moonlight, and they stood in the void of the forest's nighttime shadow. The trees themselves were not spaced too close together, but the branches blocked out any of the light from the moon. Kylo wondered if sunlight could pierce these trees.

"Why are you stopping?" Notti asked.

"It's took dark to ride the speeder through without lights," Kylo said. Notti looked around, gazing into the forest.

"Do you really think anyone would see us?" she asked, looking up. Kylo thought for a moment, trying to imagine one of the First Order's ships passing by overhead. Would he risk it? After everything?

"We should wait until daylight, see how easy it would be to maneuver through the trees then," Kylo said. Notti didn't argue, though he could feel her desire to enter the woods. She got off the speeder and walked toward the forest line.

"We should still get into the trees for cover," she said. "We'll walk the speeder in now. Sunrise is in a couple of hours, let's try to rest until then." Kylo nodded, getting off the speeder and directing it forward behind Notti. His eyes adjusted to the low light, and he was only able to keep sight of Notti because of her pale skin and hair. She looked like a ghost as she walked deeper into the forest than Kylo thought she would, but there was an amazement in her movements. She looked at the trees, running her hands down the bark. Notti walked until she found a clearing big enough for the two of them and their transportation and sat down. At this point, no light from the night made its way through trees, but they could both see the moonlight hitting the plains they'd left behind. Kylo heard Notti lie down, but did not feel the same ease she apparently did. He sat against the tree and waited for the morning to come.

...

The morning came far too slowly, but Kylo thought that perhaps he just couldn't see the sun. However, as the day dawned, Kylo watched in amazement as the forest came to life. These trees were bigger, the trunks at least twice as wide around than where they'd left. The branches were dense, but sunlight made its way through tiny chinks between the branches. If he barely held his eyes open, the forest canopy looked like a galaxy of stars.

Kylo stood up, walking over to Notti. He saw her stir as the leaves crunched under his feet, so he turned to the speeder. She shifted behind him, but he heard her gasp softly. When Kylo looked at Notti, she had her back turned to him, her face up. He sensed her giddy excitement from the night before.

"I can see well enough," Kylo said. The accumulation of light made the forest dim, but by no means hazardous to drive through. Notti smiled and turned to Kylo, hopping on the back of the speeder. "Do you know what we'll find in here?" Kylo asked, hesitating briefly.

"No idea," Notti said, an undeniable thrill in her voice. Kylo shook his head, wondering what other options he had at this point. He was sure there was a better plan, but he honestly didn't feel like thinking of it now. At a slightly slower pace, Kylo made his way deeper into the forest.

Notti never once put her head down. At every animal sound, every ray of light she'd turn. The forest lit up more and more as the day progressed, revealing knotted roots and intricate vines that wound their way up the tall trees. Perhaps not a place of magic, but undoubtedly a place of beauty.

They made their way past rivers and small ponds, a herd of what looked like deer. These animals were bigger, but still bolted at the sound of the speeder. Notti laughed, her grip loose on Kylo's waist as she explained that these were elk. They traveled almost the entire day, and though it was not yet sunset, Kylo could tell the day would fade in a couple hours. He focused on weaving through the trees, but slowed down suddenly. He sensed something, or someone, close. It appeared suddenly, a prickling in the base of his neck. He stopped the speeder altogether, listening and throwing his senses as far as he could.

"What is it?" Notti asked, her voice hushed. Kylo felt her apprehension as his body tensed, and he got off the speeder. He couldn't hear Notti breathing, and the entire forest felt stilled like it was waiting. But for what?

A twig cracked and almost instinctually, Kylo drew his light saber and stood at his full height. The forest glowed red as fire, and Kylo felt power surging through him. Two eyes glinted in the light, and Kylo advanced, but a hand on his arm stopped him suddenly.

"Wait," Notti called, walking around him and holding her hands up. Kylo tensed as she put herself between the assailant and him. He didn't retract his light saber, and he held his ground as Notti held up a hand to him. "Please, we're not here to hurt you," she said, though Kylo was sure his position didn't help assert that. Notti looked back at him, pleading with her eyes. After a tense pause, Kylo huffed and withdrew his light saber. Still, he refused to put it in his belt, holding it tightly in his hand. Notti smiled and turned back to the pair of eyes, holding out her hand. "My name is Notti, this is Kylo," she said.

"What are you doing in the forest?" asked a voice. It was quiet, a child's voice. Notti slowly knelt down, but the figure did not emerge.

"We're trying to get away from people who want to hurt us," she said. Kylo was slightly surprised by her honesty, since she still didn't know who was there. No one emerged, but Kylo could feel no impatience from Notti. The person behind the tree peeked out, but in the low light, it was difficult to distinguish anything. Notti's voice was kind and gentle as she asked, "Please, can you help us?"

There was a moment where Kylo didn't even breathe, the tension was palpable. But very slowly, a small humanoid creature emerged from behind the tree. A species Kylo had never seen before, it was only about three feet tall, with blue skin and black hair. It looked to be a child, a little girl with sharp green eyes. Notti smiled brightly, but the little girl didn't let go of the tree. She smiled shyly at Notti, but her gaze wandered to Kylo and she looked down.

"He's kind of scary," the little girl whispered. Notti giggled, looking up at Kylo. He scowled, not amused, but Notti just shook her and looked back at the little girl.

"He's a little grumpy, but he's not so bad," she said. The girl looked at Kylo, staring at him quizzically. But after a moment of consideration, the girl stepped forward and took Notti's hand.

"This way," she said, dragging Notti past Kylo and in a different direction.

"Grumpy?" Kylo asked under his breath, and Notti shrugged.

"You might try smiling," was all she said, crinkling her nose at him. Kylo grabbed the speeder and followed the two, walking silently while listening to the little girl chatter.


	12. Chapter 12

"My name is Zarola," she said. "It means 'hunter.' We live just over here." The little blue girl continued on with arbitrary details for about twenty minutes, walking knowingly through the trees. Notti barely spoke, but Kylo could tell she was pleased by the little girl's presence. She listened with a smile on her face, answering questions the little girl asked. But both Kylo and Notti's eyes found their destination in the same moment.

Through the trees ahead of them looked to be a giant stone temple, rising in tiers up into the trees. Roots and vines grew up the stonework, weaving in and out of doorways in the stone. The scale of it was extraordinary, as the top of the temple reached all the way to the canopy, barely hidden below the tallest branches. A large lake rested next to it, nestled between the trees and reflecting the fading sunlight. They'd both stopped walking, taking in the sight in front of them. It wasn't until Zarola pulled on Notti's hand that they remembered why there were here.

"Come on," Zarola said, dragging Notti forward. Notti laughed breathlessly and walked forward, Kylo staying close behind. Again, he felt a disturbance a moment before it happened.

Dozens of these creatures came running out from between the trees, jumping out of branches. They held out spears and advanced, at least fifty of them surrounding Notti and Kylo. Notti immediately let go of Zarola's hand but grabbed Kylo's wrist instead, as he'd been about to draw his light saber. She stood defensively in front of him, putting him between the her and the speeder.

"Wait," she said quietly, holding up her other hand. The people around them didn't say anything, just held their spears menacingly. They all looked like Zarola with varying colors of hair, but it looked like even the tallest of them never broke five foot. Kylo and Notti towered over them, which Kylo couldn't help but think didn't improve their chances.

" _Aba_ ," Zarola yelled, running forward. The tallest of the warriors stood forward, and Zarola grabbed his spear, pulling it down. "It's okay, _Aba_ , they need help. I found them wandering all by themselves." None of the warriors moved, but the tall one patted Zarola on the head.

"What were you doing so far away from home, Zarola?" he asked. His voice was much deeper, but kind and full of love. Zarola stared at her feet, her little blue face darkening with what could only be a blush.

"Exploring," she said in a small voice. Kylo felt Notti's grip tighten slightly on his wrist.

"She was kind enough to offer us help," Notti said, and the leader looked over at them, his eyes suddenly cold and suspicious.

"What is your business here?" he asked. Kylo remained silent, feeling it a better plan to let Notti handle diplomatic situations.

"Please, sir, we're trying to get away from the First Order," Notti said. There was a hushed whisper through the group. "They destroyed my home, my Village, Teg. We've been running for days, and we'd be grateful for any assistance." Kylo hated the idea of asking anyone else for help, but he just kept his eyes on the ground.

"What do you expect from us?" the leader asked. Notti shook her head, a small smile creeping cautiously onto her face.

"We expect nothing, sir," she said. "If your gift is to let us continue on our way, we will accept it gladly and you'll be free of us. If you can spare any hospitality, we will be just as grateful." She lowered her head in a slight bow, and Kylo clenched his fist. But Notti just squeezed his wrist tighter again, and he begrudgingly lowered his head a fraction of an inch. Zarola tugged on her father's tunic.

" _Aba_ , please let them stay," she said. "The lady is very nice. The man is grumpy, but she says he's nice, too." Zarola's father didn't seem to be able stop himself from smiling, and he loudly gave what sounded like a command in a language Kylo didn't recognize. All of the warriors immediately lifted their spearheads up, and Notti's grip on Kylo's wrist loosened. She didn't let it go completely, though.

"What are your names?" the leader asked.

"I'm Notti, this is Kylo," Notti said. Kylo tensed at the mention of his name. If these people recognized the First Order, perhaps they would know who he was. He wasn't sure if he wanted Notti knowing that yet. But no one seemed to react.

"My name is Rhi," the leader said. Notti let go of Kylo and took a step towards Rhi, and Kylo could feel a subtle thrill from her.

"Forgive my asking, but I've heard stories about this forest since I came to this planet," Notti said. Kylo felt a strong sense of pride from Rhi and wondered what Notti was up to. "I don't mean to pry, but you and your people, are you the Bilira?" There was a chattering through the crowd that Rhi silenced with a wave of his hand. He smiled at Notti, looking up at her since he only stood about as tall as her chin.

"Not many outsiders know of us," Rhi said, "but yes, we are the Bilira. I'm curious, what stories have you heard?" He started to walk, and Notti fell into stride beside him. Kylo was hesitant to leave the speeder, but one of the Bilira stepped forward and took it, smiling at Kylo and ticking his head in Notti's direction. Kylo delayed for a second further before taking three long strides to catch up to Notti. She was already deep in conversation with Rhi, her eyes wide and excited.

"-and I'd heard there was a temple that went to the sky," she was saying, talking fast. She looked up at the building in front of them, massive and imposing. "I never imagined it could be true." Rhi puffed out his chest, obviously proud of his domain. He lifted his hand, and Notti smiled brightly, placing her hand on top of his.

"And now that you're here?" Rhi asked, obviously enjoying the praise.

"Well, now that I see it," Notti said, and Rhi eyed her carefully, "I do have a question." Rhi stopped for a moment, and Kylo almost bumped into Notti. She pointed to the weapon in Rhi's hand. "That's not just a spear, is it?" she asked. Rhi looked surprised for a moment, but held up his spear for her to see. He pointed it up into the trees, and to Kylo's surprise, a blast beam came out of the spearhead, showering the lake in sparks.

"How could you tell?" Rhi asked, a bemused smile on his face. He continued walking, never dropping Notti's hand.

"Forgive me, sir, but the primitive façade you and your people display hardly matches the architectural complexity of your temple," Notti said, her eyes glinting. Kylo almost enjoyed the playful banter, after the days of torment she'd endured. "You hardly seem as reclusive as the stories claim. I assume an assimilation of outside technology would not be unwelcome if it could lead to such greatness." Kylo nearly smiled at her clever flattery, though he sensed a genuine admiration within her.

"We enjoy our seclusion, but the goings on in the galaxy do not remain entirely unknown to us," Rhi said. His voice was very large for the size of the man it came out of. "If it is the First Order you are avoiding, we will do what we can to assist you." Notti giggled, and Kylo followed close behind. He sensed no ill will from Rhi, no indication of recognition. It set him slightly at ease.

Rhi led them up the steps of the temple, entering with the large group of warriors flanking them. The inside of the temple was a large living area, with Bilira living in open rooms with beds and furniture, but no doors. Lanterns brightened the hallways as children ran around, laughing and playing. The Bilira that were not in the welcome party stuck their heads out to view the guests, and most of them smiled or raised a hand. Kylo felt uncomfortable at all the attention, and when Notti glanced back at him, her face furrowed into a small frown.

"Sir," she said, turning to Rhi with a smile, "where would be the most convenient place for my friend and I to stay? We don't want to impose on anyone." Rhi clapped his hands, turning to lift at the end of a hall. The three stood at the center and he rang a bell, the lift moving slowly thereafter. Kylo couldn't quite tell how it was operated.

"The entire city is enclosed within these walls," Rhi said. "We have a few rooms towards the top of the city for guests, and that is where you will stay." His pride was almost uncontainable, and Kylo had to stifle a sudden violent urge to fling him into a wall. But Notti seemed to like him enough, and this entire situation was going uncharacteristically in their favor.

Rhi brought them to a room that looked like it was close to the top of the building. Notti jogged quickly inside and Kylo stopped in the doorway. A balcony looked out over the lake, and the room was sparsely furnished but comfortable. There were two adjacent rooms, but like the rest of the city, no doors. Notti giggled out on the balcony and turned to Rhi, taking both of his hands.

"I cannot thank you enough," she said. Her eyes flicked to Kylo, who stood with his arms crossed in the doorway. "If it's all right, could you show us around the city later tonight? I want to learn everything about your people that you're willing to share." Rhi nodded vigorously, clapping Notti's hands.

"Absolutely," he said, "but I expect you must be tired. Rest up now, and we'll have a wonderful feast this evening to welcome you." Again, Notti's eyes flicked to Kylo, but he made to keep his face as apathetic as ever.

"Oh, you've already been so kind. That's not necessary," Notti said.

"No really, I insist," Rhi said, "and I won't take no for an answer. I will see you both tonight." And with that, Rhi exited their room and they heard him get on the lift and ride it back down. They stood in silence for a few moments, waiting for the sound of the lift to fade. Notti ran her hands through her hair and sighed, suddenly looking exhausted. She swayed where she stood, and Kylo needed only two strides across the room to catch her as she leaned against him. He placed her on the floor, kneeling next to her as she chuckled.

"I thought we were going to die," she said. She looked up at him, laughing like she was out of breath.

"How did you know those weren't spears?" Kylo asked, and Notti just shook her head.

"I didn't figure it out until after I'd seen on of them glow, just for a second," she said. "I just figured we'd get what we wanted if you didn't bring out that screaming banshee of a light saber." Notti smiled, and the side of Kylo's mouth twitched, which seemed enough to satisfy Notti. She took another deep breath an looked around the room. "What a people though, huh?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" Kylo replied.

"I'm sure you noticed there's no doors," Notti said, and Kylo nodded. "And they've welcomed us so warmly. I wonder how long it's been since they've had visitors, but they're so hospitable. It's nice." Her voice faded out by the end of the sentence, and she looked lost in thought for a moment, but shook her head and smiled at Kylo. "Do you think you'll be okay to be around them tonight? You don't seem like someone who likes large crowds."

"Neither do you," Kylo said, and Notti's smiled vanished. He wondered if he'd said something wrong, but a small, sad grin crept onto her face.

"Yea," she agreed, "I know. But considering all that's happened in the past few weeks, I can suck it up for one night." Kylo stared at her, nodding. He had no desire to be around that large a group of people, but living off of berries and mushrooms had gotten old. Notti steadied herself and stood up, walking to the balcony. "We should try to get some rest," she said, "I've a feeling it's going to be a long night."


	13. Chapter 13

Kylo didn't remember falling asleep, but he woke to Notti kneeling next to him, jostling his shoulder gently. He sat up immediately, and Notti stood. She was wearing different clothes than they'd arrived in. The blue pants and tunic that she wore lacked any holes or dirt marks, and Notti looked clean for the first time in days. Her hair was white again, half of it pulled up behind her head. She smiled at him.

"I don't know where they found clothes to fit someone my height, but it looks like they've got some for you, too," she said, pointing to dark clothing sitting on a chair by his bed. "Get cleaned up, we're expected downstairs." She left the room and walked out to the balcony, and Kylo got out of bed, picking up the clothes. He looked down at the dirty clothes he'd come in and discarded them, folding the cloak Notti had given him and placing it on his bed. He found a basin of water in his room and washed his face and hair, putting on the new garments. The Bilira's clothes fit him well, too, with a dark green pair of pants and a tunic similar to Notti's that hid his light saber sufficiently. He walked out onto the balcony and Notti turned, her eyes widening for a moment.

"What?" he asked, defensive. He didn't like the surprise on her face. What had she been expecting?

"Nothing," she said, taking a step towards him. Her surprise faded into a reassuring smile, and she opened her mouth, shutting it a moment later. "Nothing at all. We should go." She walked past him, heading for the hallway they'd come from, leaving Kylo with a strange, unfulfilled sense. But he pushed it aside like every feeling he didn't want to confront and followed her to the lift. She hesitantly rang the bell and it arrive a moment later, carrying both of them down to the ground level. As soon as they stepped off, they were greeted with hundreds of Bilira all wanting to get a glimpse of the new visitors.

Kylo immediately felt an overwhelming surge of emotion, but it wasn't entirely from him. He looked over at Notti, and her big black eyes were wide with alarm. He took a step towards her, and she reached back, grabbing his wrist as she had when the Bilira first cornered them. He felt some of her anxiety lessen, and she took a step forward, not letting go. He allowed her to walk ahead of him, as the Bilira mostly focused on her and avoided Kylo altogether. He assumed it was because of his stern, scarred face, which he really didn't mind.

They were ushered into a large dining hall, and many of the Bilira left once Notti and Kylo entered, as the hall was obviously not enough to seat everyone. Food lined the center of the table, all of it looking more appetizing than their recent diet. Rhi sat at the head of the table opposite where Notti and Kylo entered, but upon their arrival, Zarola ran down the dining hall towards them. Notti let go of Kylo and knelt down, Zarola running right into her arms. She held the small girl tightly, and Zarola smiled up at Kylo. Even though he didn't smile back, the little girl let go of Notti and hugged Kylo, or at least his legs, which was about all she could reach.

Kylo stood immobile for a moment, confused as to how to react. Notti stood up and smiled at him, and he patted the back of Zarola's head. At that, the little alien skipped back down to her father, talking to him happily. He caught Notti looking at him with a peculiar expression on her face and turned to scowl at her. She just laughed and walked on, Kylo following close by.

"Our guests of honor," Rhi called, gesturing to two seats on his left. "You'll sit here this evening." Notti took the seat closest to Rhi, and Kylo sat down next to her, immediately casting his eyes downwards. The table erupted into pleasant chatter as everyone filled their plates and engaged in conversations with their neighbors.

"Thank you so much for all this, Rhi," Notti said, reaching for some fruit in front of her. Kylo followed suit. "This is more than either of us could've ever asked for." Kylo felt no urge to join the conversation, so he just nodded. When there was a moment of silence between the three, so Kylo stole a glance up. Rhi was staring at him, though it was not a malevolent stare.

"You don't speak much, do you?" he asked, and Kylo sat up even straighter, fixing Rhi with a glare that would make much larger men crumple. Still, Rhi just smiled kindly and Notti cast him a sideways glance.

"No," Kylo said, "but I am still grateful, make no mistake." He practically had to spit the words out, and he could tell from Notti's expression that she didn't like his tone, but it seemed good enough for Rhi.

"Fair enough," he said, turning back to Notti. "Now, tell me, why is the First Order after you?" Kylo tensed, but Notti handled it.

"Kylo is part of the Resistance," Notti said. "I rescued him from a crash, and the First Order came looking for him. We've been running from them ever since." Rhi nodded, his shrew eyes studying Notti with fascination. Kylo knew she was an odd looking creature, but he still did not like the way this man examined her like a specimen in a jar.

"So you just got thrown into all this?" Rhi asked, and Kylo grit his teeth. But Notti just smiled and nodded.

"Yes, but it never occurred to me to take any other course of action," she said. She looked at Kylo, and he forced himself to meet her gaze. As it always seemed to be, it was kind, unassuming. Rhi chuckled as food was served.

"Well, what about you then, Notti?" Rhi asked. "If you don't mind my asking, what species are you? I've never seen anyone who looks quite like you." Kylo sensed a shift in Notti's heart, an uncomfortable twinge. It wasn't so much the question that seemed to bother her, though, as the answer.

"I'm not sure, actually," she replied, and Kylo stopped eating for a moment to watch her. Her face was set resolutely, but he could feel a deep, hidden pain. Something she didn't want to relive. But Rhi's curiosity was not satiated.

"Really? Why is that?" he asked. Kylo could sense that Rhi meant no harm by his questions, but it didn't stop Kylo from wanting to ram his light saber down the man's throat. Notti stuttered for a moment, but twisted her fingers together.

"My family died when I was very little," she said. "I don't remember them really at all, so I don't know my heritage." Rhi seemed fascinated, completely oblivious to the pain he was causing Notti.

"And you had no next of kin to take you?" he asked. It must've been many years since they'd had guests, Kylo thought. This line of questioning seemed borderline cruel, and Kylo had been at the heart of the First Order. But Kylo felt something in Notti snap, though one would never know it looking at her. She answered Rhi calmly and respectfully, as though he was asking about the weather.

"I was a slave on Tatooine for many years," she said, and Rhi immediately shut his mouth, looking for the life of him like he'd been slapped. He had not expected that response, and for a moment, he tripped over his words trying to stammer an apology. "It's all right, Rhi," Notti said, though Kylo could feel the lie in her words. Kylo's found his own shock difficult to master. He stared at Notti, but noticed how she would not meet his eye. He'd gone all this time not knowing, and somehow, he felt a twinge of regret for never asking.

But Rhi quickly changed the subject, and though Kylo could sense Notti's distress, she never once let on that she was anything but thrilled to be in the company of the dinner party. He told her of their history, their government, laws and regulations. Kylo's attention shifted in and out, and much later than he would've like, Rhi stood up, the meal being complete. Kylo and Notti did the same, but Kylo noticed the stiff way Notti moved.

"Now," Rhi said, "would you like me to show you around our magnificent city?" Kylo could feel Notti slowly unraveling and took a step behind her, his arm barely touching her shoulder. She straightened at his presence and smiled at Rhi.

"Sir, I want more than anything to see this incredible city, but I want to appreciate it as it deserves," she said. "It's late, and I don't think there's time tonight to truly appreciate everything you and your people have to offer. If it's not too much trouble, you could show us tomorrow? I'd be thrilled to learn." Rhi chuckled and nodded, patting a now sleepy looking Zarola on the head.

"You're absolutely right," he said, his eyes twinkling. "Time just gets away from me in here," he said, and Notti smiled. Rhi bade the two of them goodnight, and Notti quickly made her way to the lift, not looking at Kylo. They entered their quarters, and Notti immediately went to the balcony, bracing herself against the railing. He could hear her breathing deeply, and he could feel her physically trying to maintain her resolve. He wasn't sure what to do, but he walked to the doorway of the balcony, leaning against the frame.

"You never told me why you lived on Tatooine," he said, awkward and frustrated by the situation. Notti laughed but didn't turn to look at him.

"Well, we were interrupted the last time I tried to tell you," she said. "It just didn't come up after that." Kylo stayed quiet, allowing her time to speak. She straightened up and looked out over the lake, which had somehow started to glow phosphorescently in the night. Kylo knew certain algae species did that, but had never seen it in a lake. It held Notti's attention for a short while, but she reached up and grabbed the collar of her tunic, pulling it up to reveal her back.

Kylo's eyes widened at the sight. Old scars ripped across her skin, and suddenly her nightmare made sense. The man standing over her with the whip, he'd owned her. Kylo could only imagine how that would haunt a person.

Notti dropped the tunic back, covering up the scars and turning to sit on the stone railing. Kylo moved slowly, sitting next to her. Notti still wouldn't look at him, but he could now see that her eyes were misted over like fog. He sensed he shouldn't speak, and Notti sighed deeply.

"I didn't tell Rhi, but 'Notti' isn't even actually my name," she said, and Kylo watched her carefully, not betraying the surprise he felt. Notti turned to look at him, her voice firm but her eyes watering. "My parents died when I was three, I think. I don't remember their faces, their voices. I don't remember what they called me. But the man who-" she paused, choking out the next word, "owned me, he had awful nicknames for all of his slaves. One girl was 'Useless,' there was a man he called 'Worthless.' And my designation that I remember from the time I was very small was 'Not Important.' If someone asked my name, he'd step in and say, "It's Not Important.' He was very pleased with his little joke." She stopped and looked at her hands. "As time went on, as I got older, apparently that was too many syllables to say, so he shortened it." Kylo's eyes widened as realization hit him like a lightning strike. "To Notti."

Her face was dark, her hands tense. She didn't cry, but Kylo could feel her pain. It cut through him like a knife. Still, he could find no words to say, but Notti didn't look like she expected any.

"When Jara freed me, he asked me what my name was. I thought, 'Now's my chance, I could be anyone.' But it was the only name I'd ever known, and he didn't know the story of it. By the time he'd brought me to this planet, my name was Notti. And everyone here kept telling me I wasn't important, too. I know they didn't know, but I did."

He recognized the feeling, the darkness in her heart. He felt that way when he'd learned about his grandfather. The worthlessness, the fear. The despair she felt, the anguish she lived with, she hid from the world. From him. And everywhere she went, people told her she didn't matter. It was in her very name, the first thing anyone learned about her and no one knew. She held so much hate and anger, but it didn't stop her from being kind to every living thing she met.

"I'm sorry," Kylo said, "you never deserved that." Notti laughed, a sad, hollow sound. She ran a hand through her hair, looking out over the lake. The blue light filled her eyes.

"I don't think people really ever get what they do or don't deserve," Notti said. "But I do think everything happens for a reason." She looked at him, her eyes fixing him with an intense stare. "Had I never been on Tatooine, I never would've started my medical training. Jara never would've found me, brought me here. Had I been called anything besides Notti, I wouldn't have run off to the middle of nowhere to get away from people. And you," she paused, a small smile on her face, "you would've bled to death in the middle of a forest."

Kylo's eyes widened, unable to understand what she was saying. Her eyes softened as she reached forward, raising her hand toward his face. She hesitated. Kylo didn't pull away, he didn't want to. Instead, he closed his eyes and leaned his head forward. He felt Notti slowly trace the scar down his face, her hand resting on his cheek. His eyes snapped open, locking with hers. Her expression was gentle, her face slightly closer to his.

"If I endured all that I did to save one man," she said, "then it wasn't for nothing." Kylo stopped breathing, her words resounding in his mind. She looked at him with such kindness, kindness he knew he didn't deserve. His eyes suddenly burned and he looked away. He felt her concern, but he gently took her hand and moved it away from his face. Still, he couldn't quite bring himself to let it go.

"I don't understand," Kylo said. He looked at her long, gray fingers, and she closed them gently around his. How could she be like this? How could anyone be like this? He felt so confused, so conflicted. He was angry, lost, he couldn't think straight. His vision clouded red, images flashing before his mind. Snoke, Hux, Luke…Han Solo. He shook his head and looked up, Notti the only thing in his sight. She looked concerned, as always. It didn't matter how she was feeling, she just wanted to make sure he was all right.

He straightened up, letting go of her hand. He heard Notti gasp softly, but she didn't move. He walked to the doorway and turned around, forcing himself to look at her. She regarded him calmly, and he managed a small smile.

"Thank you," he said. He could feel her confusion, but her eyes lit up at his slight grin. He couldn't stand her, he could barely even look at her. He turned away, walking into his room. He sat on his bed, putting his head in his hands. He heard her walk into her room a few minutes later, sensing her fall into a restless sleep relatively quickly. His breathing became ragged, but he forced himself to calm down, lying on his bed. He didn't remember falling asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

_Notti stood in front of him, smiling gently. Kylo took a step towards her, holding out a hand. She looked at it, but took a step away from him, shaking her head._

 _"_ _Remember what happened last time anyone stood that close to you?" she said, her voice warped. Notti's face contorted as a light saber stabbed through her chest, Hux appearing behind her holding Kylo's saber. She screamed and crumpled to the floor, smoking curling out of her chest. Kylo went to kneel at her side, but Hux held the saber to his throat, forcing him to stand. They were suddenly in Snoke's chamber from the ship, but it wasn't Snoke that towered over them. It was his father._

 _Han Solo looked down on Kylo. He stood up, walking forward. In a few steps, he managed to stand in front of Kylo, his own height. Solo glanced down at Notti, looking sadly up at his son._

 _"_ _You did this," he said, and Kylo found he was the one holding the saber. Hux started laughing, kicking Notti's lifeless corpse over the edge of the platform they now stood on. Kylo shouted and tried to reach after her, but Solo grabbed his arm. "You did this," he repeated, hissing it in Kylo's ear. Kylo kept screaming, he could hear Hux laughing, and he swung the light saber toward the General, but it somehow found his father instead. Kylo stepped back, horror spreading through every part of his being._

 _"_ _No," he said. His father reached out to him, falling after Notti. "NO!" Kylo screamed. He felt like his throat was on fire, he began to thrash, trying to get away from Hux._

 _"_ _NO!"_

"Kylo," came Notti's voice. Kylo woke up immediately, sitting up and breathing hard. The blanket he had on top of him was tangled around his legs, and he ripped it off, throwing it on the ground. He could hear Notti shushing him, but his breathing wouldn't calm and his heart wouldn't stop pounding. Images still flashed in the front of his mind and he shoved his palms to his eyes, trying to blur out the faces.

"No," he groaned, his father's face seared into his vision. He felt Notti's hand on his shoulder, and tried to focus on her voice.

"Kylo," she whispered, her hand on his wrist. She pulled his hands away from his face, but he wouldn't look at her. She reached up and wiped her thumb under his eye, and Kylo didn't realize he'd been crying. He grunted and turned his face away from Notti. "You were shouting again, Kylo." The way she said his name, or, what she thought was his name…

"I'm-"

"I swear, if you say sorry," Notti said. "You've got nothing to be sorry for." Kylo looked at her, his last conversation with his father running through his mind.

 _I'm being torn apart._

"Yes, I do," he said, hating himself for how his voice shook. Hating himself for this weakness. Notti took his face in both of her hands, running one of her hands through his hair.

"Okay," she said, smiling gently. He shuddered for a moment but fell toward her, his forehead resting on her shoulder. He was so tired. Notti wrapped her arms around him, playing absentmindedly with his hair. She still smelled like the forest, and Kylo could feel her heart beating in her neck. He counted the beats, listening to Notti hum softly.

"What's that from?" he asked.

"I don't know," Notti said. "It's a song I've known for as long as I can remember. I don't know the words anymore." Kylo inhaled deeply, his breath shuddering on Notti's neck as he exhaled. Her grip on him tightened slightly, and he once again sensed no expectation, no need to fill the silence with words. He felt an uncharacteristic warmth spreading through him, originating wherever her fingers touched him. It moved through him, glowing like the lake.

"Thank you," he said. Notti began to hum softly again, keeping time with her heart. He counted the beats, reaching 563 before losing count…

...

Kylo woke up to the sound of birds the next morning. The room was bright so near the canopy. He was lying down, the blanket he'd discarded over him again. He wondered if his encounter with Notti in the night had been a dream, and he clenched his fists at the thought. But his hand crumpled around something and he looked down to see a piece of paper. He opened it, reading the barely intelligible scribble. It occurred to Kylo that she never would've been taught to read as a slave, so he let it go, wondering who taught her at all.

" _Gone with Rhi to see city. Told him you don't feel well. Sleep. Be back later._ "

The corner of Kylo's mouth lifted involuntarily, imagining Notti walking around with Rhi. He stood up, walking out to the balcony. He could see the sun directly above the temple, and he wondered how he'd slept in until midday. The wind whistled through the trees, and Kylo closed his eyes, letting it ruffle his hair. This place was so calm, the forest so old. Kylo was starting to understand what Notti meant when she said it was a place of magic.

He heard a faint laugh coming from down below and focused his eyes there, immediately finding the source of the laughter. Notti was playing in the water with some of the Bilira children, her white hair making her stand out in the dark background of the forest. The children laughed as she chased them, slipping around in the shallow water.

"Can't catch me," shouted one of the children, Kylo recognizing the faint voice as Zarola's. Notti ran to her and picked her up, twirling her around in the air before slipping and falling into the water. Their laughter echoed through the forest, reaching Kylo even as high up as he was. He watched Notti for a few more minutes, but retreated back to his room.

It felt wrong, this serenity. He was so used to the turmoil that clouded his mind that these fleeting moments of peace were unnatural. It didn't last long, as Kylo's anger forced his way back up his throat. It nearly choked him, and he staggered against the wall, trying to hold himself up.

"Damn," he whispered, shaking his head. The furniture in the room started to shake, and he flexed his hands, stilling the vibration and picking it all up at once with barely a thought. He looked around the room, slowly tilting the chairs and the bed, feeling even this slight demonstration fueling him. He'd almost forgotten the power.

But something felt different. Before, he would've picked everything and thrown it around the room. He would've broken everything, cutting it apart with his saber. Now, he felt no compulsion to do that. He placed everything back down quietly, sitting down on the bed. He looked at the note Notti left him, that involuntary half-grin springing to his face again.


	15. Chapter 15

Kylo spent the rest of the day in meditation. He cleared his mind, wanting nothing more than to sink into the wall, just for the day. It took several hours, but finally he was able to slip into a blissful state of mid-existence, a warm, white room with nothing in it. Here, he didn't have conflict, guilt. Here, he was safe. A warmth he knew from only one other source.

"Kylo," Notti called, and he immediately returned to the present. She walked by his room, stopping in the doorframe. Her hair was dry but limp around her face, and she had different clothes on, a dark red tunic. "How are you feeling?" she asked, her eyes bright and happy. Kylo smirked, enjoying the way her smile widened.

"Fine," he said. Notti giggled and walked into her room, shuffling around.

"Kylo, the Bilira are wonderful," she said through the wall. "This city is huge, and it goes underground too. No room in the entire temple has doors, because everyone just shares what they have. Even the elevator system is based on shared labor." She came back into his room and sat down on one of the chairs, leaning towards him. "Every day, two Bilira are designated to work the elevator for the day. No one ever has to work it more than one time a year, and even Rhi spends a day working it. Technically, he's the leader, but he pulls a fair amount of weight in relation to everyone else." She spoke quickly, her voice excited.

"What else?" Kylo asked, unable to hide the warmth in his tone. Notti lit up, coming to sit next to Kylo on his bed.

"Well, the children and I played in the lake for a long time," she said.

"I saw you," Kylo replied, pointing to the balcony. He saw that it was dark outside where he pointed.

"They're remarkable swimmers," Notti said. "Zarola especially. She's unbelievably smart, Kylo, this child. I can see why Rhi is so proud of her." The affection in her voice was unmistakable. But Kylo sensed a rising bitterness within her, her eyes darkening slightly.

"What is it?" he asked, and she shook her head. She looked at the ceiling for a moment before meeting Kylo's eyes.

"Rhi said we could stay as long as we wanted," she said, though there was no joy in the proposition. "I could spend years here, but I think we should leave tomorrow." Kylo was surprised, seeing as how excited she'd been to find them.

"Why?" he asked.

"If the Storm Troopers found us here," Notti said, her voice hitching in her throat as she broke their gaze, "I couldn't bring that fire down on these people. I'd never forgive myself." He didn't need to read her mind to know that she was thinking of the fires of Teg. He nodded, and Notti looked at him.

"We'll leave tomorrow," he said. Notti sighed and nodded her head, standing up. She ran a hand through her hair, exhaling slowly. She looked at him, her expression a little unsure.

"We can never tell anyone of this place," she said. "No matter who we meet, Resistance or otherwise, once we leave, this doesn't exist." She sounded so sad. He could feel her yearning, how badly she wanted to know everything about this place, but he nodded. She was right.

"I know," he said, meaning it more as a promise than anything else. Notti smiled and went to walk out of the room, but her body went rigid in the doorway. Kylo was immediately on his feet, his hand on his light saber.

"What's the date?" Notti asked. Kylo didn't speak, caught off guard by her question. She turned to face him, her eyes wide. "The date?"

"I don't know," Kylo said, taking his hand off his light saber. Notti looked like she was thinking quickly, but she ran to the balcony and looked up. Kylo walked into the living area, but she turned around and ran past him, shooting out of their quarters.

"Come on," she yelled back, and Kylo broke into a quick stride behind her. He sped up to a jog after a few steps, remembering that her legs were as long as his. She turned the corner to a staircase and ran up, muttering under her breath, "I hope we can see it." He had no idea what she was talking about, but he followed her nonetheless.

She reached the top of the stairs and turned right, and Kylo followed a moment later. An open doorway led to the roof of the entire temple, a square about the size of their rooms. It was right at the top of the canopy, the treetops a mere ten feet above them. Kylo could see now, looking down, that the roof of each level of the temple was painted to blend into the shadows of the trees from above. It would be nearly impossible to see looking down, but looking up from where they were, the entire sky looked to Kylo like he could reach out and touch it.

It was incredible. Shooting stars blazed across the sky, lighting up the night. There were dozens of them, and Kylo got lost for a moment in the blaze. But his eyes fell back to earth, landing on Notti. She faced away from him, her gaze tilted to the sky. Her white hair fell down her back, blowing gently in the wind. He felt a sense of wonder from her, a peace.

"I was worried for a moment that we missed it," Notti said. "It's called the Madian Event, and it happens once every sixty-three years. The comet these come from is too far away to see, but enough of it breaks off in the asteroid belt in this system to make it here." There was something so genuine, so young about her excitement. That was how she was though.

Kylo stared at her, taking in everything he'd learned. For years, she'd lived in the midst of violence. She listened to someone call her insignificant every day of her life, and suffered at the hands of a being far lesser than she. It would've driven him mad, but instead of it turning her heart to darkness, she held onto incredible compassion. He'd never met anyone like her. She was a survivor. She was a miracle.

She didn't move as he walked up to her, coming to stand in front of her and catching her eye. She stood still, and Kylo caught himself again wondering whether or not she was breathing. He wasn't sure he was.

"Yes?" she asked, her voice barely louder than a whisper. Kylo took a step closer to her, almost touching her.

"I-" he started, but he couldn't quite figure out what to say. She didn't speak, just watched. "I want to give you something." The words were awkward, but he sensed no judgment from Notti. He took a deep breath, looking into her dark eyes and resolving himself to his decision. "I can look into someone's mind, extract information." It sounded harsh, but he didn't stop. "And I know that we never truly forget anything, it's all there. I want-" but he still couldn't quite articulate the words.

"Yes?" Notti asked, leaning towards him slightly. They still didn't touch, but he could feel the heat radiating from her body, they were standing so close. He reached up and touched her face gently with the back of his hand.

"I want to look into your mind," he said. "I want to see if we can find out more about your family." Notti's eyes widened, but she didn't pull away from his touch.

"Y-you can do that?" she asked. There was a trepidation in her voice, like she didn't want to believe him. He smiled, and her face lit up. "What do I have to do?" she asked, taking his hand in both of hers. Kylo's face fell, as did hers. "What is it?"

"The memories will be buried deep," he said. Notti's face furrowed, and Kylo could see she didn't understand. "It's going to hurt." Notti's face relaxed, and she smiled.

"Is that all?" she asked. Kylo studied her face, but there was no hesitation. He nodded and knelt down, pulling her with him. She knelt in front of him, her face patient but excited. Kylo flexed his fingers, holding his right hand to her head. She closed her eyes, and Kylo inhaled once.

"Whatever you feel, I feel," he said. "If you want me to stop, just say." Notti nodded, and Kylo Forced his way into her mind. She inhaled deeply, her face contorting immediately. She bent her head, but Kylo pressed on, working his way through the different levels of her mind. It wasn't like looking at her dreams. That was easy, the visions at surface level. What he needed now was old and lost.

He saw the first time Notti had seen the Village. He felt her happiness, her joy. He went further back, saw flashes of her life on Tatooine. He felt her pain, witnessed the brutality. He saw this in his mind's eyes, his true vision focused on her face. She squirmed under his control, barely making any noise but obviously in pain. Kylo knew it because he could feel it, too. His skull split open as hers did.

He dug deeper still, a child running through the streets. She was starving, barely fed enough to keep her alive. A sand storm buried her to her waist, droids and other slaves digging her out. The images he saw were scattered, but he could feel how it hurt her to relive this.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked, slightly lessening his hold. But Notti's hand immediately wrapped around his wrist, keeping it in place.

"No," she said, her voice breaking in one syllable. Kylo watched as tears started to fall down her face. "Please," she whispered, and Kylo closed his eyes, unable to watch her suffer in front of him. With one final drive, he forced his way as deep into her mind as he could go, and here, the images were different.

They were blurry, fading in and out of focus. But two faces stood over Notti, clearing up when she focused on one. They spoke to her, their voices clear and ringing. The woman had dark brown eyes, a gentle smile, a laugh that rang through both Notti and Kylo's mind. The man next to her had white hair like Notti's, pale skin, a long face. Notti's attention was drawn to an old woman in the corner, and though she was old, she was beautiful. She had long, white hair like Notti, but her eyes were silver, radiating from her face. All three of them spoke, and though Kylo couldn't distinguish some of their words, he felt a thrill of recognition from Notti.

Their eyes shot open at the same moment and Notti gasped as Kylo retracted from her mind. She staggered back, standing up and facing away from him. She took a few steps, gripping her skull tightly. Kylo took a moment as well, his mind ringing. He'd torn people apart, grabbed what he wanted from their minds like clay. But he'd never exhibited that amount of control. It exhilarated him.

But his attention turned back to Notti, who still stood facing away from him. There were so many emotions running through her that he couldn't identify any individually. He stood up slowly, walking up behind her. She was breathing hard, holding her hands to her ears. He waited, hoping she would give him some sign of what to do.

"Echani," she said suddenly. Kylo didn't understand.

"What?" he asked, and Notti turned to face him, though she didn't raise her eyes to his. Her gaze remained unfocused on the middle of his chest.

"The old woman, she was Echani," Notti said. "She was my grandmother. My father's mother." Kylo's eyes widened. Notti giggled, a sudden thrill running through her as she looked at her long arms. "But that's not it. My great-great-great grandfather was Kaminoan. My father told me that. That's why I look like this," she said, pulling on her white hair, touching her gray face. Kylo nodded. Kaminoan explained the eyes, the height. "My mother-" and Notti paused. "My father. Did you see them, Kylo?" She didn't look up at him, but instead, closed her eyes.

"Yes," Kylo said, remembering the faces. Small tears glittered down Notti's face as she smiled.

"I'd forgotten what they looked like," Notti said, her voice strained. "And my grandmother." Notti's eyes opened, remaining unfocused. "She…" Notti stopped, her hand covering her mouth. She staggered backwards, and Kylo caught her by her arms, holding her upright.

"What is it?" he asked, studying her. She closed her eyes and began to laugh, leaning her forehead against his shoulder. Kylo pulled her away from him, bending down slightly to look at her face. Notti met his gaze, pulling her hand away to reveal a radiant smile.

"Neri," she said, a word Kylo didn't understand. His brow furrowed, but she grabbed his arms, shaking him gently. "My name." Kylo stared at her for a moment, but he smiled the next. She laughed, and despite how unnatural the sensation was, Kylo joined her. She pulled away from him and took a few steps back, her face bright. She spun around a couple times, covering her face with her hands. She drew them together below her chin, looking at Kylo. "My grandmother named me. It's the Echani word for 'my light.' That was what she called me."

Kylo's eyes widened, unable to hide the shock on his face. Luckily, Notti…no, Neri. Luckily, Neri looked up, and Kylo stared in awe at the woman who stood before him. The shooting stars in the sky reflected in her eyes. When he'd met her, he'd thought those black eyes were devoid of life, but now, as the stars danced across them, they held all the life in the galaxy. She practically glowed in the starlight, her once alien features now warm and somehow, dare he think it, beautiful.

She was the light. That pull on his heart, the pull to the light, it had always been her. Down to her very name, she was the Light.

"Neri," he said, and her gaze flicked to him. The smile on her face softened, her eyes glittering.

"Say it again," she said, taking a step towards him. He walked to her, his face inches from hers.

"Neri," he said again, and she smiled gently, looking at his face. She seemed to study every detail. The stars shot across her eyes, her hair radiant in the light of the lake. He took her face in his hands, and her smile faded to a look of deep intensity. He felt her put her hands on his waist, pulling him towards her gently and closing the space between them. He leaned toward her, stopping just short of what he hoped she wanted too.

Neri didn't hesitate. She sealed their lips, her hands tight around his waist. He pulled one hand through her hair, feeling how soft it was. How soft she was. He could feel her contentment, her excitement and happiness. The thought that he was the one causing that made him deepen the kiss, to which Neri responded in kind. She was the Light.

And under the shooting stars of the Madian Event, he found peace.


	16. Chapter 16

Kylo Ren woke up as sunlight flitted through the trees, bouncing off of his eyelids. He shifted slightly, the ground beneath him hard but warm. He inhaled deeply, something tickling his face in the breeze. He opened his eyes to see a mess of white hair, and he smiled. Neri lay curled up against him, her back to his chest. His arm wrapped around her waist, holding them together. He could feel that she wasn't awake yet.

Kylo closed his eyes, listening to the forest wake up. He could feel the trees swaying within him. There was a tranquility in this moment that Kylo wanted to remember. He doubted it would last long.

Neri stirred and Kylo focused on her mind, listening. She twisted slightly in his hold but didn't move away. Kylo sighed, knowing it'd be hard for her to leave this place. He might make it a little easier by making the preparations before she woke up. Slowly, he stood up, picking up Neri's sleeping body. He carried her to their chambers and put her in her bed, brushing the hair out of her face.

Kylo stared at her, the way her eyes moved beneath their lids. He no longer had any idea what he was doing. He had meant to kill her, he remembered. But that seemed like a lifetime ago. Now, he found it hard to imagine himself capable of such an act. Of all the forests in the galaxy that he had to fall to, he fell to hers. It complicated everything, but Kylo couldn't think of a preferable alternative. Would it have been better not to know her? Kylo couldn't answer that question.

He stood up and left the room, walking to the elevator and ringing the bell. It arrived fairly quickly, and Kylo assumed it must not be very late in the day. He rode down, catching sight of the two Bilira working the lift that day. He approached them, immediately aware of their fear. After all, he towered over them by at least fifteen inches.

"Where is Rhi?" he asked, and neither of the Bilira spoke. One of them pointed down a corridor to the left, and Kylo nodded, walking quickly in that direction. The further down the corridor he got, the more he could hear the chatter of a small group. Kylo turned the corner into a well lit room to find Rhi and several other Bilira sharing breakfast. Rhi caught sight of Kylo and stood up, walking over to him.

"Good morning, Kylo," he said genially, clapping him on the back. Kylo tensed at the contact, but didn't react. "What can I do for you?" Kylo chose his words carefully, trying to emulate Neri's diplomacy.

"Notti told me that you extended your welcome to us," he said, and Rhi beamed, nodding. It already felt strange to use Neri's old name, though that was the only one Rhi knew. "But I'm afraid that she and I have to leave." Rhi's smiled faded, a look of confusion.

"Are you not comfortable?" he asked. "We expected you to stay for at least another few days." Kylo shook his head, holding a hand up.

"Your hospitality has been more than enough," he said, surprised by his own civility. "That's not why we're leaving. If the First Order finds us here, we can't protect your people. They'll destroy all of this. The only way we can think to keep your people safe is to leave." He hoped that was all the explanation Rhi required. The leader nodded, his brow furrowed.

"And you've come to collect your speeder?" he asked, and Kylo nodded. With a sigh, Rhi walked past Kylo, gesturing to follow. "This way." Rhi led Kylo to a small courtyard right outside the temple, where the speeder was waiting. There was a crate attached to the back of the speeder that hadn't been there before. "We supplied you with enough rations to last several days. We'd also like you to keep the clothes, as a gift." Rhi looked back, and Kylo could feel his confusion. "Where's Notti?" he asked, and Kylo suddenly became aware of a creeping suspicion in the man's voice.

"She's asleep," Kylo said. "I thought I would make preparations to leave before she wakes up." Rhi nodded, studying Kylo shrewdly. Kylo felt suddenly angry, very much disliking the way this man stared. He clenched the fist hidden from Rhi's view and held his tongue, waiting for the short alien to finish his inspection. After an uncomfortably long amount of time, Rhi huffed and turned away, walking back toward the temple entrance.

"She really is something special," Rhi said, stopping before he passed through the doorway. Kylo didn't face him, but he could hear Rhi turn to look at him. "I would try very hard to be the man she thinks you are, Kylo Ren." Kylo's eyes widened and he spun on his heel, shock contorting his face. He knew full well that Neri never mentioned his full name. She didn't know it. Rhi held up a hand. "Good luck," was all he said before turning back into the temple.

It was several minutes before Kylo could control his disbelief. Rhi had known the entire time, but Kylo had been completely unaware. Further still, Rhi hadn't tried to stop him. Kylo stared at the spot where the Bilira leader disappeared minutes earlier, forcing himself to tear away and look at the speeder. He turned it on, listening to it hum to life. He stared at the speeder for a moment, looking out to the forest.

He could leave. He should leave. This place was safe, safer than anywhere he was going. She could stay here, with Rhi and Zarola. With the children and the trees and the lake. She'd be happy here, away from him. His eyes stung at the thought and he clenched his fists, stepping toward the speeder.

He was dangerous. He was a monster. No matter where they went, he couldn't lie to her forever. One day, she would know who he was, and she would hate him. If he left her now, she would hate him. Kylo turned his eyes up towards the canopy, spying the balcony that connected to their quarters. At most, he had a few more days before she'd know.

Amidst all the misery in his life, he would selfishly take those last few days.

Kylo walked back into the temple with a grunt, returning to their quarters. Neri was awake now, looking out over the lake. She hugged herself, her hair blowing softly. Kylo came forward, standing behind her. She leaned back against him, her warmth hitting him instantly. He could feel her sadness, her desire to stay. But her sense of duty soon overpowered that, and she straightened up.

"We should go," she said, not meeting his eyes. She went to pass him, but he put a hand on her shoulder. He wanted to keep her with him, but something compelled him to make sure that was her decision as well.

"You could stay, Neri," he said softly. She looked up at him, her eyes resolved.

"Yes, because I could do that," she said. "I'll just walk off and let that rot away my conscience." He recalled that early conversation in the clearing, when he'd told her to leave. She'd refused then, too. When he didn't laugh, she put a hand on his face and kissed him softly. She pulled back, putting their foreheads together. "I want to stay with you," she said, her words calming him somehow. She walked into her room and grabbed her medical bag, slinging it over her shoulder. She walked back to Kylo, holding onto the edge of the tunic. "Do they want their clothes back?" she asked, and Kylo shook his head.

"No," he said simply. Neri smiled, playing with a loose thread. The dark red fabric contrasted her hair starkly, looking like snow.

"Is Rhi waiting for us?" she asked, and Kylo nodded. Neri sighed but smiled, turning to leave. Kylo walked into his room, grabbing the cloak Neri gave him and throwing it around himself. His dark ivy tunic disappeared, and he made sure his saber was secure at his hip. With one final glance around the room, he quickly joined Neri at the lift, waiting for it to arrive.

The greeting at the bottom of the lift was overwhelming. The Bilira apparently had all woken up to see them off. Rhi immediately came up to Neri, guiding her through the crowd. Someone had brought the speeder to the front of the temple where it awaited them. With a raise of his hand, Rhi quieted the crowd, turning to Neri with a smile on his face.

"If you head west, you'll reach the edge of the forest in two days. There's an outpost about half a day further where you might find help. It's unlikely the First Order's found it, as you can't see it in flight. We are sad to see you go so soon, but we hope to meet again," he said. Neri smiled and bowed her head, taking both Rhi's hands in hers.

"It's been my dream for many years to meet your people, and it was more than anything I imagined," Neri said. "I cannot thank you enough for everything you've given us." Neri took a step back, and Rhi turned to Kylo. He did his best to hide his increasing discomfort.

"Safe travels," Rhi said, holding out a hand. Kylo hesitated for a fraction of a second, but extended his hand as well. Rhi squeezed Kylo's hand, a knowing smile on his face. Kylo nodded.

"Thank you," he said, knowing he thanked Rhi as much for his hospitality as his discretion. A small face peeked out from behind Rhi's leg, and Zarola emerged, stepping towards Neri. She had tears in her eyes, but held out a small, pink flower. Neri knelt down, taking the flower.

"I'm going to miss you," Zarola said, and Neri smiled. She pulled the little girl into her arms, holding her tightly.

"I'll miss you too, little one," she said. She kissed Zarola on the forehead and stood up, and to Kylo's dismay, Zarola turned to him. She handed him a flower as well, which he took gently. She stared up at him, then looked at Neri.

"Take care of Grumpy, okay?" she asked, and Kylo's eyebrows raised. A quiet chuckle resounded through the crowd, and Neri laughed.

"I promise," she said. She looked at Rhi. "Thank you." With that, Kylo got on the speeder, Neri following. He didn't look back as he sped away, Neri's arms wrapping tightly around his waist. She didn't speak, and neither did Kylo. He didn't think there was much to say.

Kylo weaved quickly through the trees, focusing on the crisp air. Zarola's flower sat between his fingers until the wind whipped it out behind them.


	17. Chapter 17

[Author's Note: There's a shameless Phantom Menace reference in this chapter. I couldn't resist. Let me know if you spot it.]

Kylo had to stop the speeder long before the sun set as it got so dark in the forest. There wasn't a lot of room, so he stopped the speeder between two trees. Neri got up before him, opening the crate. Kylo moved in front of the speeder, sitting down between the roots.

"Here," Neri said, handing him an apple. He could hear her easier than he could see her as she sat down in front of him, biting into her own apple. They ate quietly, Kylo listening to Neri's mind. It was an odd calm, which he didn't think appropriate given the situation.

"What are you thinking?" Kylo asked, and Neri sighed.

"We'll just keep heading west. Hopefully we'll hit that outpost without too much trouble," she said. Kylo nodded, taking another bite of his apple. How much longer could he keep this up?

"And after that?" he asked. Neri thought for a moment, finishing her apple and throwing it into the woods.

"We'll call the Resistance," she said. "Hopefully they'll be close. If the First Order is still listening, they could come looking." Kylo knew they wouldn't be calling the Resistance. Or the First Order. He was running out of time to come up with a new plan, but intense curiosity hit him like a flood.

"And what will you do once we've contacted them?" he asked. Neri cleared her throat.

"You already know the answer to that," she said. Even in the dark, he could feel her eyes on him. He wasn't sure what he wanted to hear, and it frustrated him. It was usually at this moment when he'd get angry and slash something up with his saber. But he didn't. He grit his teeth, clenching his fists.

"It won't be safe," he said, feeling an uncharacteristic need to keep talking. "We'll be hunted. You-" he wanted to tell her everything. He wanted her to see him for what he was, but he couldn't make himself. He liked the way she looked at him now.

He heard the leaves on the forest floor shift, feeling Neri's hand on his ankle. She drew herself between his legs, kneeling. He leaned forward, putting his forehead to hers.

"You don't have to be afraid," she said softly. But he was. He was always afraid. He didn't say anything, shutting his eyes. Neri reached out in the darkness, taking his hand. She leaned away from him, tracing his fingers with hers. "Do you know, when I found you, I thought…" she laughed, pausing. Kylo waited for her to speak as she chuckled; she sounded embarrassed. She clapped one of her hands down on his, clearing her throat. "I, uh, I saw that you'd fallen through the trees, and I thought you'd come from the sky. I thought…" again, a short pause, "I thought you were an angel." Kylo opened his eyes, though the darkness revealed nothing.

"What?" he asked. Damn this woman. Neri laughed.

"It was just for a moment," she said. "A legend I hadn't believed in for years, but there you were. Then I saw how awful you looked, all bloody like that." Kylo laughed, just once. Neri joined him, continuing to trace his hand. "In all the galaxy, any planet, any forest, and you fell into that one." Her voice was soft, dream-like. "I found you, fixed you up. Then I put up with you," she said, laughing. Kylo dropped his eyes, ashamed. "At first, I couldn't wait to get rid of you. You were cold and rude." Kylo grit his teeth.

"I'm-" he tried to say.

"Hush," Neri said, cutting him off, "let me finish." She stopped, huffing slightly. "You were like that at first, but the longer I spent with you, the more I figured out there was. The more I realized…you were like me." Kylo's breath caught in his throat. Like her? "Lonely, angry. But strong, and kind." She put a hand on his face, her thumb running gently under his eye. "Did you notice? I left the house less, I laughed a little more. I opened up as you did, and I found…" her voice died, but Kylo needed to know.

"What?" he asked. He leaned forward, taking in the stillness of the forest.

"I found," Neri said, "that I liked having you around. And when the First Order came, when it got more dangerous, I wanted to keep you safe." Her voice was steady, her touch soft. "I can't explain it Kylo, but there's something in you. A pull," she giggled, "a force." Kylo's eyes widened. She felt it too.

He leaned forward, kissing her. He pulled her close, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tightly. He pushed forward, lying her gently down on the forest floor. He tried to hold his weight off of her, but she pulled him down, running her fingers through his hair. He opened his mind, allowing her emotion to flow through him. He felt an overwhelming tenderness, a pure joy from her, and he recognized it in himself. He tried to lose himself in it.

Suddenly, she and Kylo tensed. They heard it approaching at the same time.

"Kylo," Neri breathed, and both of them jerked upright, listening. It got louder, the sound of several ships getting closer. Neither of them moved, though Neri had her hand on Kylo's. She didn't shake, still as a statue.

The ships roared overhead, gone as quickly as they'd come. There was no way to identify them as they passed above the thick trees. They listened, Kylo unable to hear Neri breathing. They didn't move, waiting for the ships to pass overhead. Kylo felt a dread from Neri, a sharp pain that consumed her.

"Do you think they found the Bilira?" she asked, her voice trembling. Kylo kept his unseeing gaze skyward.

"We would've heard the attack," he said. He didn't know if it was true, but the spark of relief calmed Neri. They sat in tense silence for a long time, the waiting an agony. The rustle of the wind, the creaking of the trees, every sound caught their attention. It was only after at least half an hour did either of them relax, though they didn't breathe any easier.

"We should try to get some sleep," Neri said. "We'll get to the border of the forest tomorrow, and we'll keep going from there." Kylo nodded in the darkness, listening to Neri lie down. He removed his cloak and lied down next to her, throwing it over both of them. Neri moved closer to him as he wrapped his arms around her. Kylo waited until Neri was asleep before allowing himself to drift off as well.

...

Kylo woke slowly in the early morning light, a moment of panic seizing him as he realized Neri wasn't in his arms. He sat up to find her sitting on the speeder, a large elk standing right in front of her. This one had huge antlers that looked sharp as knives, and he knew it could skewer her with a twitch of its great head. She was holding an apple out to it, a gentle smile on her face. She spoke softly to it, obviously still not aware that Kylo was awake.

"Hello, handsome," she cooed, "you're a beautiful boy." Her tone was kind, almost adoring. The elk leaned forward, sniffing her hand. It bit the apple gingerly, its ears flicking forward. Apparently, it liked what it tasted, because it stepped closer and ate the rest of the apple. Neri raised her opposite hand slowly, running it down the large animal's neck. It snorted, blowing Neri's hair slightly. She giggled, putting her hand under its eye. They stared at each other for a moment, dark eyes reflecting dark eyes. With one swift motion, the elk raised itself to its full height and turned, running back through the trees. It was surprisingly quiet, and the sound of it disappeared quickly.

"How do you do that?" Kylo asked, oddly mesmerized by her. She turned, smiling. The low light of the morning streamed through the trees as Neri grabbed a pear and threw it to Kylo. He caught it without taking his eyes off of her.

"Animals are easier," she said, looking back where the elk disappeared. Kylo ate quietly and Neri leaned back on the speeder, closing her eyes. They were quiet until Kylo finished eating, standing up. He wrapped the cloak back around his shoulders, walking up to Neri. She looked over, smiling tiredly. "All right," she said, sitting up and moving back. Kylo got on the speeder, waiting for her to hold on before heading west.

He had a sinking feeling from the moment he set off. He knew every second he kept driving, he was getting closer to the end. He thought of dozens of things he could tell her, lies to keep her with him. But there was nothing. No matter how the next forty-eight hours played out, she'd be gone. If the First Order was at the outpost, he might have a chance, but the more likely scenario is that they hadn't. He couldn't contact the Resistance, and he couldn't keep putting her life in danger.

He decided what to do as the edge of the forest started to appear. He could see sunlight breaking between the tree trunks as a horizon came into view. He focused on her arms around him, trying to memorize the sensation. He'd convince her to wait until morning before heading the outpost, and he'd leave in the night. She'd be able to walk to the outpost, get help. She'd hate him, but at least he wouldn't have to see her face when she found out.

Neri's head peeked up as he slowed down, reaching the edge of the forest. It was still about two hours to sunset. They must've left earlier than he realized. Neri laughed and got off the speeder, stepping out of the forest. She looked around, breaking into a run. The tall grass was up to her waist, whipping around her as she laughed. She turned around, smiling. The sun silhouetted her, and for a moment, everything seemed to be still. Kylo committed everything in front of him to memory. The yellow sun, the golden grass, her dark red clothes and her stark white hair, her bright smile and her black eyes. It was probably the last time he'd see her like this.

 _BANG!_

The sound came quickly, two ships speeding overhead of them. They were traveling faster this time, as neither of them heard their approach. Neri dropped below the grass and Kylo pulled the speeder back, hiding behind a tree. Neri came running back into the forest, hiding behind an adjacent trunk. Neri and Kylo looked around at the ships, squinting against the sunlight.

"TIE Fighters," Kylo said, watching the ships retreat. They swerved through the air, patrolling the area.

"The First Order?" Neri asked, and Kylo nodded. "If they're patrolling out here, we won't make it to the outpost. Not if it's a half day's ride." Kylo looked at her, her wide eyes following the TIEs. He could see her thinking, planning their next move. This was the life he'd thrown her into. Always running, always figuring out how to keep them both alive. He wouldn't let them hurt her.

He was done running.


	18. Chapter 18

Kylo made up his mind quickly.

"Neri," he said, her eyes meeting his. Her brows furrowed, and she took a step torward him. He pulled out his lightsaber and took her hand. "No matter what happens, stay hidden until I give you the all clear." The TIEs pulled around for another run. Neri looked conflicted, her grip on his hand tightening. She hesitated a moment longer, but let go of his hand and took a step back.

"Be careful," she said. With a fierce resolve, Kylo broke from the line of trees, running through the grass. The TIEs approached as Kylo activated his lightsaber, the red light screaming to life as he prepared to deflect whatever they fired at him. He'd grown stronger in his exile. They would soon learn that.

The TIEs flew by overhead, though neither of them activated their weapons. Kylo turned, watching the TIEs bank around. They came to do another pass, but Kylo wouldn't be taunted like this. He raised a hand at the TIE on the left, focusing all his energy through that hand. He could feel the power, feel the pilot, the TIE, all of it shake under his control. The TIE faltered, spinning wildly to its side as he Forced it out of the sky. It crashed in a fiery explosion, the other TIE breaking off of their formation and flying to the east. Kylo watched as it banked around again, and he raised his hand once more.

The TIE started to fly lower, but Kylo wasn't doing anything. It was coming in for a landing. Kylo didn't relax, but allowed the TIE to land. There was nothing this pilot could do to overpower him. Maybe he'd get a ship out of this. The door opened and a Storm Trooper climbed out, their gun on their waist and not in their hand.

"Kylo Ren," the Storm Trooper yelled. She held her hands up in a surrender, but it did not set Kylo at ease. This didn't feel right. "Kylo Ren?" she said again, her voice unsure.

"Who are you?" he asked. The Storm Trooper stopped, her hands still in the air. One of her hands was clenched in a fist, holding something. A detonator?

"I'm TC-6193," she said. "Are you Kylo Ren?" Kylo realized most of the Storm Trooper's didn't know what he looked like without his helmet, and she was basing her assumption on his lightsaber. He sensed a dutiful sincerity from her. She was different than the Storm Troopers from the Village.

"Yes," he said. "Why are you here?" The Storm Trooper seemed to relax, lowering her arms.

"The First Order is looking for you," she said. "Supreme Leader Snoke has been sending search parties through this entire sector." Kylo couldn't help the surprise on his face. That didn't make any sense.

"But the Storm Troopers in the Village," he said, "they fired on me." The Storm Trooper took a step forward.

"Yes," she said, "but we can explain. If you come with m-." But she didn't get to finish. Kylo picked her up by the neck, ten feet still separating the two of them. He squeezed his fingers together, and she scratched at her bare neck. The object in her hand fell to the ground. She'd seen what he could do to a TIE fighter and was trying to save her own skin. That was the only explanation.

"How could I trust anything you say?" he asked, knowing better.

"Trans…mission," she gasped, losing consciousness shortly thereafter. Kylo thought about killing her, but dropped her to the ground instead. She wouldn't be a problem now, and he could use her as leverage if needed. He walked up to her, looking at what she dropped. A small holodisk sat in the dirt, undamaged by the fall. Kylo activated it, Supreme Leader Snoke appearing before him. It was unusual to see him the size of a normal man compared to the large projection Snoke usually used.

"Kylo Ren," Snoke began. "Much has transpired since the destruction of Starkiller Base. If you're watching this, then you've been recovered by a First Order operative. Return with them, there is much to tell you." He looked at the unconscious Storm Trooper, anger welling up inside him.

"That's it?" he said. He walked toward the TIE fighter, deactivating his saber and hopping up into the cockpit. He could find no evidence of tampering, no indication that the Storm Trooper intended to blow the TIE as soon as he got in. He looked through the flight logs of the fighter, noticing that this particular pilot only came to this planet a few days ago. This wasn't one of the fighters that attacked the Village.

Kylo sat back in the seat of the fighter, his mind racing. Why had he been attacked before? It was clearly the Storm Troopers. Was this a trap? But a trap didn't quite make sense if it was his Master calling to him. Snoke wouldn't betray him like that. And this Storm Trooper didn't seem like she was hiding anything malicious. He would've sensed any subversive intention.

Slowly, an odd wave of reassurance swept over Kylo. He'd thought he had nowhere to go in the galaxy, but now? He could return to the First Order. He could finish what he started, just as he'd always planned. And now he had the power to do it.

The comm button started to blink red. The First Order would've noticed the destruction of one of their fighters, and they were reaching out for a report. This was his chance. Kylo reached for the comm, but hesitated.

Neri. She would never return to the First Order with him. She still thought he was part of the Resistance. What could he tell her? The truth? That seemed daunting, but he had to come up with something quickly. As soon as he got out of the fighter, he would have to give her the all clear, and then he'd have to have some sort of explanation. He just needed a place to start. Maybe she'd understand. Maybe she'd…

"Kylo Ren," came a voice. He looked at the communications transceiver, but he hadn't touched it. It wasn't activated. "Much has transpired since the destruction of Starkiller Base." Kylo's blood froze as he realized the voice wasn't coming from inside the TIE. Kylo stood up and jumped out of the TIE, landing in time to hear Snoke's final words. "-recovered by a First Order operative. Return with them, there is much to tell you." The hologram deactivated, Neri standing directly behind it.

 _No._

Her wide eyes met Kylo's, though she didn't say anything. Kylo couldn't sense anything from her. It was like she wasn't even standing there.

"I saw your sword turn off," Neri said, her voice faint. "I thought that was the signal. It seemed safe, you crashed the other ship. I thought that was the signal…" Her voice faded out as her gaze shifted around wildly.

"Ner-"

"Kylo Ren," she said, staring him in the eye. That was the first time she'd said his full name. Well, a full name. "That's you." It wasn't a question. What was the point of denying it?

"Yes," he said.

"You lied," she said. Her voice was flat. She wasn't moving, she wasn't breathing. Still as a statue, same as when they'd met. "You're not with the Resistance."

"No," he said simply. Her huge eyes bore into him.

"You're with the First Order?" she said. She knew the answer. He nodded. He watched as tears welled up in her eyes. He took a step toward her, but she took a step back. "But, the Storm Troopers...I don't understand."

"Neri," he said softly, but she shook her head.

"You used me," she said. Little cracks of emotion reached Kylo, her composure failing.

"No," he said, but that was a lie. She could tell. "At least, not anymore." Neri laughed, but it was a dark sound. "Neri, please, listen to me. It started out like that, but not anymore. I can explain. I-"

"What could you possibly say?" she asked. "What possible justification do you have for this?" Kylo stared at her, so many thoughts running through his mind. "I trusted you." Such a simple phrase that carried so much pain.

Kylo scrambled to find the words that would make her want to stay. He wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to tell her about Luke and his parents. About his grandfather and Snoke and the First Order. He wanted to tell her he'd keep her safe. He wanted her to know.

"You showed me the Light. You are the Light, Neri," the said. The words came awkwardly, not the way he wanted. "It's in your na-," but Neri laughed before he could continue. It wasn't like any laugh he'd heard before. It was high, piercing. It cut through him.

"Do you hear yourself?" she asked. Her voice was so cold. " _I_ am the Light? No one can give that to you, especially not me."

The Light was fading. There was nothing he could say.

"Ner-"

"I gave up everything for you," she said, her monotonous tone almost frightening. "My home, my Village, everything is gone because of you." Her eyes flicked back and forth. "You're the monster."

Kylo remembered when they found Teg. _What kind of monsters could do this?_ Neri had asked that, and he'd known the answer then, too. He took another step toward her, but she took another step back. His heart lurched painfully. She was afraid of him.

"You said I was the kind of man worth saving," he said. She advanced on him with an anger he'd never seen from her.

"Your life, not your soul!" she shouted. "That was never my responsibility!" He'd spent weeks with this woman. Seen the myriad of emotions that passed through her heart and across her face. Now, he could see all the pain he was causing her. His betrayal stared straight at him.

"Neri," he whispered. One last time.

"Get off my planet." He looked at her, his eyes wide. Her expression was unlike he'd ever seen it. Rage contorted every feature, her long face almost animalistic. She wasn't afraid of him. She hated him.

Hurt. Anger. Betrayal. Pain. What she felt, he felt. He clenched his fists, though neither of them moved. His vision clouded red. It had been a long time since he'd felt this anger, though he couldn't distinguish where it was directed. The air around them crackled, the grass swaying against the breeze. It flattened around Kylo's feet as he emanated power. Still, neither of them yielded, and he would never hurt her.

It still could be a trap. The First Order could be waiting to kill him as soon as he left the atmosphere. But even with that possibility, he had to get off the planet.

He stared at her, the darkness in her heart clearly visible for the first time. He'd lost her so quickly. He thought about the moment they'd arrived at this field, not even thirty minutes ago. She'd run through the grass smiling, laughing. She'd looked at him with eyes full of compassion and joy. Eyes he would never see again. Now, this was the final face he'd see, this look of hatred. His vision blurred, Neri's dark eyes the last thing he saw before jumping back into the TIE.

The Light was a lie. It always was.

Kylo told himself it was rage making his eyes burn.


	19. The Push

It hadn't been a trap. The First Order rendezvoused just outside the system, immediately escorting Kylo Ren onboard the Star Destroyer. They set a course for Supreme Leader Snoke's ship, but Kylo Ren barely comprehended the journey, his mind clouded and far away. He sat in the medical bay, not meeting the eye of anyone that passed. His head hung low, his fingers laced together so tightly it hurt.

"Ren," came a voice. Hux. The last voice in the galaxy that Kylo Ren wanted to hear. He did not raise his eyes. "To see that you've survived so long, it's," he paused, derision in his tone, "impressive.

"Why did the Storm Troopers attack me?" Kylo Ren asked. He heard Hux scoff.

"After the attack on Starkiller Base, the First Order was in chaos," Hux said. "We believe your evacuation shuttle was damaged by a secondary attack, but we were too scattered to respond. Rebel sleeper agents began sending false reports, some indicating you were a spy, fabricating orders for your assassination. By the time we discovered of the deception, it was too late." Kylo Ren seriously doubted it was a matter Hux had personally looked into. "A humiliating miscalculation, but the Resistance paid dearly for their fraud. Search parties cleared cities looking for you. Then we bombed every civilian settlement in the system." The satisfaction in his voice was overwhelming.

Something in Kylo ached painfully. He saw the fires, but the only image he could conjure of Teg was the reflection in her eyes. He grit his teeth together and buried the feeling deep below his anger. Where it belonged. Something darker took its place.

Without ever wielding the Force, she'd shown him the power of the Light side. He never forgot his master's teachings, but he discovered abilities he never knew he had. A refinement he never knew he possessed. She'd abandoned him, but that didn't matter. He had what he needed from her, and he'd use that to his advantage now.

Something surged through Kylo Ren. A prideful wrath burned beneath his skin. Yes. He could do it. Everything he ever wanted would be his. Power. Respect. He would be stronger than Darth Vader. And all those that opposed him would writhe beneath his heel.

"Have you anything to report, Ren?" Hux asked. Kylo Ren looked the general in the eyes, defiance evident in every fiber of his being.

"Take me to Supreme Leader Snoke," he commanded. Hux looked irritated but didn't respond, turning on his heel and leaving the bay. Kylo Ren looked out the window, his fists clenching. "Nothing will stand in my way."


	20. Of the Dark

_In the Resistance camp…_

"General Organa," came a voice. Leia turned quickly, not taking the urgency in Poe's voice lightly.

"What is it?" she asked. The base was busy, so an interjection like this wasn't enough to grab the attention of the entire crew. Still, Leia listened attentively.

"A woman contacted the Resistance few minutes ago, said she had information," Poe said. Leia immediately fell into stride beside him as they headed for the primary communications room.

"Information about what?" Leia asked, but before she entered the room, Poe stopped. Leia looked at him, waiting for him to explain. All she saw on his face, though, was a deep conflict.

"I think you'd better let her tell you that," he said, opening the door. Leia entered, the hologram still projected above the console. The first thing Leia noticed was the Storm Trooper on their knees, but what immediately caught her attention after that was the woman standing over the Storm Trooper, holding a blaster.

She was strangest looking woman Leia had ever seen…


	21. Author's Note

Hello everyone!

Well, that's it for _The Pull of the Light._ However, their story isn't over! My hope is that, with a bit of suspended disbelief, this story will fit into the timeline between _The Force Awakens_ and _The Last Jedi_ , and I'll be able to take it further after seeing what happens at the theater tonight. I want to keep it as close to the movies as possible, so we'll see.

Either way, if you've made it this far, thank you. Seeing that people are reading the stuff I write is an amazing feeling, and I appreciate you all taking the time to do so. I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it.

I hope everyone has a chance to get out and see _The Last Jedi_ this weekend, and have a safe and happy holiday!

-LittlestOak


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